After 5 days of extreme pain & mental torture I am back in the office but I feel like I died. I can’t work or can’t sit in the office environment. Something is killing me inside every minute of my life. I am like walking & talking but with no emotions or feelings. It is getting worse day by day.
Someone asked me to live my life. Maybe this is my life with nothing left & no passion to live. I have decided to live exactly like this. I will never ever let this pain go away coz now this pain is my life. I will not let my memories go away coz these are my treasures. I will keep killing my heart every day & will not let anyone come close to me ever again. Those who are in my heart remains in & those who are out will stay out. The doors are locked & it will never open again.
I had been away from the blog coz I had no words left to share. I actually wanted to leave this world of internet. I really wanted to go away, hide somewhere, discontinue all my contacts, remove myself from every heart & just go into darkness where no one has excess to me anymore. I really wanted to do that but I can’t coz I have to stay here so I can make sure that someone is ok. Someone very close to me is now ignoring me so anger could be created in me & I go away & start a life but I won’t let this happen. I have a promise to keep. A promise that I made that I will always be there for that person till my last breath so I will not leave no matter what happens. I know & I can feel every single pain in that person & I don’t know why that person wants to leave but I can’t & would not leave at all. If that person wants me to leave than kill me please otherwise I will always be here side by side waiting so whenever that person needs me, I will be right here.
Yesterday I experienced the longest electric load shedding of my life thanks to the most decent & the most reliable organizations of Pakistan (WAPDA). No electricity for 8 hours & as I was already in bad health condition, it got worse in the middle of the day & I had some extreme pain that converted me into half dead half alive human. Unfortunately I survived it coz I just love WAPDA too much. I wish I could kill each & every decision maker of this organization. I wish I could drag each & every politician in the middle of desert & leave them there for the rest of their bloody lives with no food, no water & no shelter. I wish… I wish… I wish…
Damn! I wish I could just stop my heartbeat…
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