DAY 603

Last Friday I had an exam which went so bad. There were two reasons. One I didn’t know who the hell created that paper as he/she asked only those questions that I was unaware of & second I was not feeling well. I had pain in my whole body & I couldn't sit on that metallic bench. So both these things did not allow me to sit in the examination for long. The minute the paper was handed to me, it was like a doctor announced me dead. So I left the paper in the middle & I wish I had written on it “ Lakh Lanat”.

The whole week was kind of busy & I don’t even know how come. I had nothing to do at all. Office was off due to Christmas & it is still off due to new year’s holiday. I wonder why they celebrate these events. Why do we celebrate birthdays when we know that we have actually lost an year of our precious life? Regarding new year, how come it is happy when we don’t even know what is waiting for us the next day? I don’t celebrate any of these events. Yes! I do post comments, send emails or even call friends on their birthdays but just to make them happy as if I don’t they will feel let down by me.

The most interesting thing I discovered in the last two days that people actually think I have done something for them which I don’t even remember. Guess I am losing my brains or perhaps getting old. Nope! I am not old at all otherwise I would have been stolen by now as old is gold & in country like Pakistan, gold walking on street can’t survive long :)

I did get a chance to make some new friends online and some of them are really gem. So I would like to thank them for accepting me as a friend and sharing their moments of life with me.

Let us all hope that the next year do bring happiness & success to our lives. Lets hope we all live healthy & enjoy some more moments of life together. Before the year ends, let me apologies to those who were hurt by my jokes, my words or by my actions. Please do forgive me before the year ends as I have planned to make some more mistakes as I never change :) . May ALLAH bless us all…

DAY 592

Another long gap from blog which I personally don’t like but sometimes I feel that I have nothing to share or nothing to write. Even if I have a lot of things in me, sometimes I feel not sharing with anyone.

Coming Friday I have another educational exam for which as usual I am unprepared. I am planning to prepare myself stating tomorrow & really hope that I will follow my plan as I don’t want to fail the exam. I have already been a failure in lots of things so don’t want to increase my list with another failure as I am not planning to have a world record for that.

The office has been really busy & I have enjoyed it a lot as it always gives me a feeling at the end of the day that I did achieve something.

The weather in this part of the country is getting too cold. Sometimes I don’t even feel walking away from the heater. This part of the country is much better than other parts. At least we do enjoy every weather, hot summers, cold winters etc.

Yesterday for the first time I was blocked on Facebook in order to comment. The whole Saturday I was on the system & having conversations via comments with different people which I guess Facebook did not like, so they blocked me for a while. Well! That while was almost a day. I wonder why they do that. What is the purpose of Facebook? We are there to enjoy, have conversations & to communicate. So why stopping us from doing that? I wonder what stupid logic do they have for this. Also, me being an admin of a few pages, we the admins do not even get notifications. How are we suppose to manage a page when we do not know what’s going on if we are away. Guess! They have another stupid logic for that as well.

Julian Paul Assange, Now a very famous personality, has been again accused by an American reporter that he took his girl friend away. Now you people out there tell me something. Whose fault was it? I think he should accuse his own girl friend for this coz it was she, going with him. He can even accuse himself for this as well. As it was him letting Assange take his girl friend & not going anything. I know this is another drama against Assange. I do admire Assange in this regards that he took a stand against the government of America which is really a big thing. One man against world’s so called powerful government…

DAY 585

I have so much inside of me. I have so much to share but I know it will not change a thing even if I share it. So, I keep quiet. I keep it to myself. I keep the pain in me. I keep the hurt in me. I only hurt myself. I only die in me. You see me walking, talking joking around but that is not me. It is just a mask I wear. I am no one. I have no identity. I have lost myself. I don’t even remember who am I, what am I & where am I. Completely lost inside of me. I do remember that before my last birthday, I was someone who was so happy but than suddenly all changed. Happiness ran away from me & since than, I don’t remember being happy. Maybe it was a birthday gift. Maybe life wants me to be sorry. I really don’t know what life wants from me or maybe I know but I can’t explain. Why should I explain? Whom should I tell all this? Even if I do tell, will I be back to normal? Don’t think so. Sometimes some strange events occur in our lives and they leave us on such a spot that we can’t go further or we can’t go back. I feel standing at that spot.

Sometimes I do think that once I die, who will be affected by my death. I do know two people who will be affected by it but rest I think will not be affected that much. Will people remember me? Will they ever discuss me once I am gone? Will they discuss me in good words or in bad words? Will they even remember me after spending one year after my death? I don’t know but I know for a fact that I want to live for two people who are attached to me at this moment. If they had not been with me, I would have gone by now.

To be very honest, I have not given anyone anything in life. So, why would people remember me? I guess they will forget me sooner or later coz this is life but if this is the case, then how come I can’t forget? My dad died in 2002 but I still remember him. I wish I could hug him again. If he would have been here, I would have been stronger I guess…

DAY 582

Politics is part of every organization. So it is part of our office environment too. I don’t take part in this but sometimes people push you into it. Small groups get created in an office & they start backbiting, leg pulling of each other but in the end, they don’t achieve anything. You dig a hole for someone else & you fall in it yourself sooner or later.

A girl in our office, who joined us last Ramazan started playing games herself and started blaming others of politics. From the day first, I did warn a few friends of mine in the office to avoid her but unfortunately they did not & the game started. She became part of us & then later she changed & started targeting us by backbiting. The only problem with that girl is that she doesn’t even know what her problem is. She is extreme negative in her thoughts & kept assuming things. At one stage I did advise her but she thinks that she is the most intelligent person in the world. According to her everyone is fake in the office & everyone is a politician. Well! How come everyone would be wrong & only one person would be right? She forgot the rule of give respect & take respect. She only wants respect without giving. How come that is possible? She had a crush on one of the office guys who is already married & I advised that person to stay away from her & now she feels rejected. She can’t bear rejection so she started this drama. She targeted every person in the office who is related to him. Now no one in the office is talking to her.

I do remember once in the beginning she said that she wanted to be a bad girl. I asked her why but she said that she just wants to be without any explanation. Now she is bad in the books of every office colleague which she can’t bear. Why? She wanted to be bad & now when she is bad, then what is the problem? I did tell her that the path she was planning to walk, she would loose friends. She thought she is the most intelligent person, so now she is all alone.

All of my predictions about her came true and unfortunately now she is all left alone. She did create a drama in the office last night but that drama eventually turned against her & people were all laughing behind her back. Everyone now thinks she is a psycho case. She actually needs help. Hope GOD will help her.

If I ever get a chance, I will ask her what she achieved from all this. So people out there… please start being positive in your thoughts or you will end up loosing all…

Oh! One more thing before I end this. Do listen to advises from people especially like me :-)

DAY 580

Yesterday’s exam went really cool. It was one of the easiest papers I have ever appeared in. 3 hour paper was done by me in just an hour & then I left the exam hall. Also the first paper for which I did not even read any book. The last time I touched the book was somewhere back on 10 of November 2010 while I was working on my assignments. I was confident that I can go through this one without any difficulty as it was ENGLISH and thanks GOD all went fine. Now I only hope the rest of the three papers are as easy as this one inshaAllah.

My mobile is once again out of order & now I have to wait for weekend so I can get it fixed as due to my job hours I can’t visit the repair shop. Also for the past so many days, I have been avoiding sending SMS as I really don’t feel typing anything. There was a time when I used to send 300+ SMS daily & only one day in my life I sent 375 SMS but now I don’t even send 5 SMS daily. Maybe I have lost that touch.

Had a chat with my elder sister yesterday & she wants me to settle in Canada. I have told her that I will think about it but before that I have to complete my studies which I left somewhere back in 1997. The last time I appeared in an exam was somewhere back in 1997 & now after 13 years I appeared in an exam. Seriously it is hard to concentrate again & start reading books after that long gap but inshaAllah I will do it.

Oh! There was a surprise today. I saw a comment left on my last blog on blogspot.com by an FB friend. I never knew she’s been following my blogs but it was really nice to see her comments. It’s really nice to see that people do actually read what I write. Thank you all for your support…

DAY 578

For the past few days I was not been able to write anything as time to time I do keep going in that mode of life where I feel not saying anything. I was not even posting anything as my status on Facebook or not even commenting on posts. Actually don’t feel doing anything or maybe nothing in life to share.

What a busy weekend I had. There was so much pending work that I had to do. Bad luck kept following me throughout the weekend. Every time when I started working on something & while I was trying to finish it, some new problems were popping up. It was like out of the frying pan, into the fire situation.

I was getting a valve fixed in the kitchen while the water plastic pipe broke. Got that thing temporarily fixed & the stove was out of order. Couldn’t get the stove fixed but then my mobile charging jack jumped out of my mobile & told me that I don’t want to stay inside the mobile set anymore. So my next mission was to get that fixed & once that was fixed my computer got virus & then the virus was so bad that it deleted some important Windows file. Before it could harm, I attacked on it & then I fixed it. I had to format my system & to install all the software. So this is how I had my weekend. It was like every problem was running behind me. I was not been able to reply to any SMS as I did not have my mobile in a working condition. A did receive a few complaints in this regards but I did explain them.

Tomorrow I have an exam. No! I am not prepared for it but let’s see what will happen. I do have a strong hope that all will go fine inshaAllah.