I have so much inside of me. I have so much to share but I know it will not change a thing even if I share it. So, I keep quiet. I keep it to myself. I keep the pain in me. I keep the hurt in me. I only hurt myself. I only die in me. You see me walking, talking joking around but that is not me. It is just a mask I wear. I am no one. I have no identity. I have lost myself. I don’t even remember who am I, what am I & where am I. Completely lost inside of me. I do remember that before my last birthday, I was someone who was so happy but than suddenly all changed. Happiness ran away from me & since than, I don’t remember being happy. Maybe it was a birthday gift. Maybe life wants me to be sorry. I really don’t know what life wants from me or maybe I know but I can’t explain. Why should I explain? Whom should I tell all this? Even if I do tell, will I be back to normal? Don’t think so. Sometimes some strange events occur in our lives and they leave us on such a spot that we can’t go further or we can’t go back. I feel standing at that spot.
Sometimes I do think that once I die, who will be affected by my death. I do know two people who will be affected by it but rest I think will not be affected that much. Will people remember me? Will they ever discuss me once I am gone? Will they discuss me in good words or in bad words? Will they even remember me after spending one year after my death? I don’t know but I know for a fact that I want to live for two people who are attached to me at this moment. If they had not been with me, I would have gone by now.
To be very honest, I have not given anyone anything in life. So, why would people remember me? I guess they will forget me sooner or later coz this is life but if this is the case, then how come I can’t forget? My dad died in 2002 but I still remember him. I wish I could hug him again. If he would have been here, I would have been stronger I guess…
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