Wednesday, October 27, 2010

DAY 538

Another bad start for the day. Yesterday I had a bad start & so did today. Feeling a great deal of pain in me right now. Totally hurt as one of my cats died last night. It actually hurt a lot when someone you love too much dies. I still remember my other cat that died. She was such a loving creature. I feel so disappointed & helpless as I could not save the living being. I wish I could have. It was even more painful when I had to take the body out of the house & honestly I could not sleep the whole night. It’s like I can see the cat dying and I can hear the cries of pain. I feel like being responsible for the death.

Bad days are not bad after all coz at the end of every bad day, we learn a lesson from it. So I can’t say it was bad after all but yes it was painful & sorrow to loose a living being that I was attached to.

Every death reminds me two things. One, death of my father on my shoulder & second, that everyone has to die one day including me. The fear of death maybe will teach me to walk on the right path.

I am unable to post my blogs on Facebook as it is giving some sort of error & the best part is that Facebook team never do anything immediately so let’s see when this is going to happen. I still have not informed anyone except 2 friends of mine that I have started writing again. There comments were good and appreciating. Don’t know what will others think. Hope no one will be hurt this time by my words.

Before I end today’s blog, I want to share something. I don’t know why & how come but it has been a surprise to me that some of the friends on my Facebook’s list actually have so much faith & trust in me that they actually ask for advises & share their part of life without even knowing me properly. Some of them even share their secrets. I would like to thank all of them for their trust & respect. Also would like to tell them that thier secrets will remain with me & I will do all my best to keep the trust alive.

Monday, October 25, 2010

DAY 536

Oh! God I am back on the blog again? What the hell am I doing here again? Why?? Why?? Why?? Ok, calm down & at least give me a chance to explain or let me give you a valid excuse for it. It’s been exactly 3 months & I did not write anything. Few of my dear friends kept asking me to write but I kept ignoring their request. Tit for tat :) but then 2 days back when I wrote my first email to one of my sisters (Moun boli behan), I realized that the spark is still alive that I can still play around with words. I can still bring a smile to someone’s face. I can still make fun of my surroundings & my situations and I can still criticize everyone. Ouch! The last one hurts but I think I’m good in this. I will make something really sure that I will not hurt anyone’s feeling who is directly related to me. Others can save themselves if they wish to.

So is it a valid excuse?? NO?? Really? Oh balimy! So I need to find something better. Hmmmm… Let me guess. Ok, how about this? Throughout the publication of my blogs, nobody even attempted to kill me. I hate this. If a journalist say something about someone, he at least get attacked or killed and nobody even got bothered in my condition. At least someone should have tried. So I should be fair & I should give them a chance again. So here I am to give you another chance to attack me. Is this valid now? NO?? Oh come on now, give me a break. “Bachay Ki Jaan Lo Gay Kya”? Lo gay? Good. That is why I am giving you a chance.

So it was BLOG DAY 445 on July 26, 2010 (Monday) when I decided to stop writing but instead of this I should have started to stop hurting. 3 months of keeping myself closed in me actually worked. It gave me a chance to control my feelings & keep hiding them from others while wearing a mask of happiness. Oh God! I can eat brains out with my philosophies. By the way, people still think that I do eat their brains out when I start commenting on their posts. In simple Urdu, Main paka deta hon. Pakana means cook. So according to them I am a really good cook & my specialty is “brains”… Human brains :) but in most of the cases I only find empty heads to cook but anyway I would like to thank those people who think I can cook their brains with my words. Thank you for your love, support & accepting my qualities.

Honestly, I’m still confused that should I publish this or not. Should I start writing my blogs again or should I keep myself away from all this? I really don’t know. My brain said, go for it. My heart said nothing to me and me being a man who always listen to my heart is totally confused. So should I press the button & publish this? What? Did you say NO? Did you? Oops sorry I guess lack of communication as I already pressed it.

Damn! You must be using a pathetic internet service like Wateen or if you are using it via mobile then maybe Ufone :)… Awww I don’t hate them. I only want them to either stop wasting subscriber’s time or mend their bloody ways of providing services & start improving…

So was it a good try? Do you all think I should write or should I keep my stupid qualities in me and go to hell? If you want me to go to hell, could you please guide me the way? Is it left or is it right? Is it my left or my right? Oh! It’s too confusing. Let’s do this. You go first & then I will follow…