Today I would like to request you all that please what ever I write here are my internal feelings & nothing more. They could be wrong & they could be right. I never said in any of my blogs that I’m always right (Well! As a joke I might have). I’m a human too & yes I can be wrong too but why my complaints are considered as personal blames here? I always blame on my life & my destiny. In other words I blame myself. Why people take tension on this & why take it so personal? I never mentioned anyone’s name & pointed them on the blog. I write it in general. Please stop taking it personal & enjoy your lives. Here I mention all my own stupid feelings. Yes for some people my blogs are meaningless & I respect their thoughts & comments coz every human has its own thinking. They view life from some other angle & I do vise versa. Some of us use brains & I use my heart. If that is my fault then yes I’m totally wrong but again it’s me. I’m not hurting others from my thoughts. I am not interfering in other’s lives & not even asking anyone to follow my thoughts. I am not trying & will not try to impose my thinking on anyone. Kindly do not take any of it personal PLEASE.
Last night it rained & this was the first time I did not enjoy it. I’m crazy about rain. I always love to get wet in rain but last night I did not even went out of the room or at the window to see the tears of the sky. It kept raining and I kept ignoring. My heart is full of pain & as it can’t take it anymore so now the heart has started to distribute the pain via blood to every other part of my body. So when I woke up, I was not in my senses. I was not able to even feel my body. So I kept lying in the bed till afternoon. I never knew that heart can do all that. This is not fair. I listen to my heart but my heart does not listen to me. I should start ignoring my heart now. HEART… I’m angry with you. Don’t ever talk to me again. I will now listen to my brain. Oh GOD! Can’t do it. I don’t even have a brain. Well! Then I should start using my knee as they say tall people use their knees instead of their brains. Now the problem is that which knee to use, the left one or the right one???
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
DAY 266
What is the best way to hurt a human? I think instead of physically hurt him/her, you should attack his/her brain. No not with a rod or a knife, but torture him/her mentally. This is the best way to kill a person from inside. Oh GOD! I’m teaching the ways of killing. They might block my blogs now. Please don’t try this at home. I was just explaining that how I died last night. Someone asked me to stop my brain but no need to do that as already been mentally tortured so that killed me. I can now announce officially that I have been murdered last night. No not physically but mentally so now I think my brain has stopped or has it? Nah! You can’t stop me so easily but yes you can hurt me. So good luck & keep trying & one day my might achieve your target.
A very strange night I had yesterday. I don’t even remember if I slept or not. Even the morning was strange as the pain was in me but I found the sky crying. Yes a few drops here & a few drops there fell on the ground. Some called it rain & some called it drizzling by I think the sky cried. So thank you sky for crying for me. At least someone cares.
My elder sister got convinced by my words that she is getting out of shape & she has started following a plan to get back in shape. My other sister on the other hand is just asking her the secret of it. Well! It’s not a secret anymore as they were posting it on Facebook. I never knew that my words are so convincing. How could I? I have two friends & they never got convinced on any of my advices but my sis told me that my words did make her do that. If that is the case, I would like to thank her. My little sister even asked me if I’m still in shape. Well! My life is so tricky that I think I will always be in the same shape coz it keeps playing strange games with me. In the past 31 years of my life, I have learnt a lot & I have been through a lot. For that I would thank ALLAH for giving me the strength to survive while I walked the strange paths of life & through the painful moments.
Past few weeks, I was trying to walk on a path that I think could bring happiness to me but after walking a few steps I came up at a closed end. Then I started walking the other way to the same destination but same thing again, closed end. I had chosen 4-5 different paths but it ends. Now I see no path to walk on. Seems like I have been walking in a desert & when I look back I find that the wind has removed my foot trails. So no way I can go back now & can’t even go further. I’m totally lost. What should I do now???
A very strange night I had yesterday. I don’t even remember if I slept or not. Even the morning was strange as the pain was in me but I found the sky crying. Yes a few drops here & a few drops there fell on the ground. Some called it rain & some called it drizzling by I think the sky cried. So thank you sky for crying for me. At least someone cares.
My elder sister got convinced by my words that she is getting out of shape & she has started following a plan to get back in shape. My other sister on the other hand is just asking her the secret of it. Well! It’s not a secret anymore as they were posting it on Facebook. I never knew that my words are so convincing. How could I? I have two friends & they never got convinced on any of my advices but my sis told me that my words did make her do that. If that is the case, I would like to thank her. My little sister even asked me if I’m still in shape. Well! My life is so tricky that I think I will always be in the same shape coz it keeps playing strange games with me. In the past 31 years of my life, I have learnt a lot & I have been through a lot. For that I would thank ALLAH for giving me the strength to survive while I walked the strange paths of life & through the painful moments.
Past few weeks, I was trying to walk on a path that I think could bring happiness to me but after walking a few steps I came up at a closed end. Then I started walking the other way to the same destination but same thing again, closed end. I had chosen 4-5 different paths but it ends. Now I see no path to walk on. Seems like I have been walking in a desert & when I look back I find that the wind has removed my foot trails. So no way I can go back now & can’t even go further. I’m totally lost. What should I do now???
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
DAY 265
5 years back I started a life that was totally strange & it was never planned. I disappeared from one country & left everything behind & came to a new location, a different country, a different city. It took me a long time to settle & last 5 years I never let any single person near to me. People started thinking I’m proud & arrogant. It was not that in me but it was my nature of keeping myself away from people & stayed reserved as I never wanted any interference in my personal life. I kept walking the paths all alone & then I made 2 friends. Now I’m so involved in them. I see them leaving me all alone in this city soon. One of them going to US & the other one away too. I wonder why I feel this pain in me now. I think I was happy without friends. At least I was not feeling this pain. Now I wish I can do it all over again.
They say history repeats it’s self. So maybe I am again planning to do the same. My heart says lets do it but my brain says NO. A friend asked me to move on but when I asked to show me the way, I got no answer. How do you move on? How do you do that? It’s never easy & I just can’t find a way. So please show me a way to move on.
When I was young, it was my dream to go to a city where no one knows me & I’m a total stranger & I wanted people to keep guessing where I came from & what I am. I actually turned my dream into a reality 5 years back so I believe you can achieve your dreams. I have created another dream but this time I cannot turn it into a reality coz this time the dream does not involve only me. It involves someone else as well & I want it to be real but that person doesn’t want it. I see it breaking into pieces. No not the dream but I see myself breaking. Before I break I think I should leave this part of the world & in search of a new venue…
They say history repeats it’s self. So maybe I am again planning to do the same. My heart says lets do it but my brain says NO. A friend asked me to move on but when I asked to show me the way, I got no answer. How do you move on? How do you do that? It’s never easy & I just can’t find a way. So please show me a way to move on.
When I was young, it was my dream to go to a city where no one knows me & I’m a total stranger & I wanted people to keep guessing where I came from & what I am. I actually turned my dream into a reality 5 years back so I believe you can achieve your dreams. I have created another dream but this time I cannot turn it into a reality coz this time the dream does not involve only me. It involves someone else as well & I want it to be real but that person doesn’t want it. I see it breaking into pieces. No not the dream but I see myself breaking. Before I break I think I should leave this part of the world & in search of a new venue…
Monday, January 25, 2010
DAY 263
I spent the whole Saturday at home but a sweet Sunday out of home. Well! Not the whole day but a part of it. In the morning a friend of mine asked me to have breakfast with her but I said can’t as I was really not feeling well & the time she asked was almost 11am & even if we had reached to our desired point, it would have been 12pm & no breakfast that time. So my dear friend got angry on my response & she started making me & my other friend worried by saying that she’s travelling in the city all alone. She kept ignoring our calls as I could have easily knew from the background voices where she is as she was in her room & pretending that she is out all alone. She is clever but me too. I did catch her on an online Facebook game.
So then we meet for lunch and had some cool time. After lunch we went to GJ (Gloria Jeans), her favorite spot for coffee. She is crazy about their coffee. Then we went for the next step which again she loves & that is shopping. She bought a few things & her favorite TV series “Damages” Season 1. Then both of us were back to our own pavilions. It was a nice & cool day but according to her, it was her best Sunday. I pray that she get more & more Sundays like this in her life.
The electricity is now being turned off too much in the city. After every 2-3 hours they turn it off but when it comes to bill us, the bill is always the same. It never gets reduced. So where is our part of electricity is going for which we are paying but not getting? Ah! I guess it goes to the President’s house, the PM house & to the rest of the “highly qualified” Ministers houses. Now we have to pay the bills of these criminals as well. Oh GOD! I’m talking against the government. It’s a cybercrime. Sue me then…
I wonder why this law was made that President can’t be arrested. This should change. If he can be elected so could be arrested too. I think Supreme Court should have that power to stop the president. Otherwise he will do what ever he wants & no one can stop him/her. Not fair. Not fair at all. If he is wrong, he should be punished too like others. Why so much difference?
So then we meet for lunch and had some cool time. After lunch we went to GJ (Gloria Jeans), her favorite spot for coffee. She is crazy about their coffee. Then we went for the next step which again she loves & that is shopping. She bought a few things & her favorite TV series “Damages” Season 1. Then both of us were back to our own pavilions. It was a nice & cool day but according to her, it was her best Sunday. I pray that she get more & more Sundays like this in her life.
The electricity is now being turned off too much in the city. After every 2-3 hours they turn it off but when it comes to bill us, the bill is always the same. It never gets reduced. So where is our part of electricity is going for which we are paying but not getting? Ah! I guess it goes to the President’s house, the PM house & to the rest of the “highly qualified” Ministers houses. Now we have to pay the bills of these criminals as well. Oh GOD! I’m talking against the government. It’s a cybercrime. Sue me then…
I wonder why this law was made that President can’t be arrested. This should change. If he can be elected so could be arrested too. I think Supreme Court should have that power to stop the president. Otherwise he will do what ever he wants & no one can stop him/her. Not fair. Not fair at all. If he is wrong, he should be punished too like others. Why so much difference?
Friday, January 22, 2010
DAY 260
There I just saved my 50/Rs for the cricket update SMS as I did not register myself for it. So my service provider lost my 50/Rs while the Pakistani Cricket team lost another match. Now this is what I call a cool judgment. Why should I loose my 50/Rs. per match when I will not even receive one single SMS that could make me happy throughout the day? My friend was saying that if 2 of those Australian batsmen would have not done that well, we would have won. I asked him why not saying that if any of our players would have done a bit better, we would have won.
For the past few days my little cat is acting strange. She comes near to me & keeps saying meow meow. If I don’t look at her she actually grabs my leg & tries to bite it & after that she runs away. She is one a hell of an interesting animal. Any member of my family tries to make her sleep with them by force & the minute she feels she can escape, she runs to me & get in my blanket & sleeps with me. I really love this animal. I think everyone should keep pets in the house. They can actually convert you into a loving creature.
Today the weather here in the city is a bit cold as the sky is full of clouds but I don’t think it will rain. I wonder why I feel so lazy in winters & also in summer & autumn & spring. Ok ok… I’m lazy throughout the year. Go on sue me for that. God! A man can’t even say a lie here…
For the past few days my little cat is acting strange. She comes near to me & keeps saying meow meow. If I don’t look at her she actually grabs my leg & tries to bite it & after that she runs away. She is one a hell of an interesting animal. Any member of my family tries to make her sleep with them by force & the minute she feels she can escape, she runs to me & get in my blanket & sleeps with me. I really love this animal. I think everyone should keep pets in the house. They can actually convert you into a loving creature.
Today the weather here in the city is a bit cold as the sky is full of clouds but I don’t think it will rain. I wonder why I feel so lazy in winters & also in summer & autumn & spring. Ok ok… I’m lazy throughout the year. Go on sue me for that. God! A man can’t even say a lie here…
Thursday, January 21, 2010
DAY 259
Today I would actually like to thank two of my dear friends. One of them for trusting me even I was being extremely demanding & for still continuing the friendship as last night I almost lost her as a friend & for the other one to stood beside me & helping her to make the right decision. Dear friends of mine, I won’t let you down both… Thank you both once again for your trust in me.
Last evening my little sister left a message on Facebook saying my life will be almost as same as my father’s & this is the hint for the prediction that was made by her & family. Well! My father was a real great person. I’m not even 10% of him. His life was so much different & mine is almost worse but if they are predicting about the marriage thing then let’s see if the prediction does come true.
Today I received SMS from my service provider saying get connected & get updates on upcoming cricket matches between Pakistan & Australia for a fee per match. Why the hell would I waste my time & money on that? I even know the result. They will loose. They mean Pakistan here. They even lost matches that they could have win easily so why waste my time & money on bunch of stupid people that can’t even play that game for which they are even paid. I remember we used to play in the streets of Jeddah & we even used to dive on streets to stop the ball or to attempt catches & for that we were not even paid but it was a passion & craze to win. I wonder why that passion goes away once the game is shifted from streets to a proper cricket ground. Fr those it’s not just a game now. It’s their life & career but even then they act like it’s just a street game but still no passion to win or at least try to win. It’s always easy to blame the coach, management captain & every other member & mostly these blames are produced by the players that were in that team so why not asking yourself that what did you do. Also when for the past 2 years our players were not allowed to play in IPL then why even their names were sent? Why do we insult ourselves by doing these stupid things? If we were being ignored then we should have not even sent the names of the players until they wanted our players to participate. Now PCB is saying it does not make a difference if our players are not playing IPL. Wow! After being insulted you can say that…
Last evening my little sister left a message on Facebook saying my life will be almost as same as my father’s & this is the hint for the prediction that was made by her & family. Well! My father was a real great person. I’m not even 10% of him. His life was so much different & mine is almost worse but if they are predicting about the marriage thing then let’s see if the prediction does come true.
Today I received SMS from my service provider saying get connected & get updates on upcoming cricket matches between Pakistan & Australia for a fee per match. Why the hell would I waste my time & money on that? I even know the result. They will loose. They mean Pakistan here. They even lost matches that they could have win easily so why waste my time & money on bunch of stupid people that can’t even play that game for which they are even paid. I remember we used to play in the streets of Jeddah & we even used to dive on streets to stop the ball or to attempt catches & for that we were not even paid but it was a passion & craze to win. I wonder why that passion goes away once the game is shifted from streets to a proper cricket ground. Fr those it’s not just a game now. It’s their life & career but even then they act like it’s just a street game but still no passion to win or at least try to win. It’s always easy to blame the coach, management captain & every other member & mostly these blames are produced by the players that were in that team so why not asking yourself that what did you do. Also when for the past 2 years our players were not allowed to play in IPL then why even their names were sent? Why do we insult ourselves by doing these stupid things? If we were being ignored then we should have not even sent the names of the players until they wanted our players to participate. Now PCB is saying it does not make a difference if our players are not playing IPL. Wow! After being insulted you can say that…
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
DAY 258
One my sisters left a message on Facebook saying that they have predicted something about me & they will tell me once it comes true. I was surprised reading this. I thought they don’t even think or talk about me anymore but WOW they do… On the other hand, this is not fair. They should tell me so even I can say at the end that yes their prediction came true. Now how would I judge if it comes true or not coz I don’t even know what is it.
I have again clarified my friends that I will charge 100/Rs on any advice that I will provide as they never listen to it any way. At least this time they would. So cash in hand & advice from me otherwise my mouth is shut. Sorry guys… Business is business & friendship is friendship. Can’t mix them both otherwise I will start losing.
How could people forget things so easily? A friend of mine wants me to move on but then wants me to forget the past as well. If I forget the past, how would I know which mistake not to make again? Also how to move on by keeping all those same things with me coz of which I want to move on? This friend whom I’m stopping to keep friendship with a person who actually begged her to be friends & now they are friends just asked me via email yesterday that what has he done bad to us & why do you hate him. I can’t even believe this thing. How easily she forgets things & don’t even try to see why am I trying to stop her. So now I will not advice her on anything. I will arrange a fair argument with her. I will demand two solid reasons that why that person should be her friend & then I will provide two solid reasons why he should not. Another friend will be there to judge. If her points are powerful, I will become friend with that guy but if my points are powerful, she will stop all sorts of contacts with him. Let’s see what will happens but after this argument if she still wants to be his friend even if my points are powerful then I walk out of the relation coz then I don’t see any reason to stay as a friend coz if my friends want a friendship with me, it will be a full time one. If they want to pass time with me or a part time friendship, then I am really not interested in any sort of relation coz for me friendship is much more. Also let me make one more thing clear. I will stand as a wall every time when any of my friends starts walking on a wrong path so I will do that in future too. Same I expect from them to do. So my dear friends if you think my action is wrong & I have no rites to do this, you are most most most welcome to leave me coz it will happen in the future too.
I have again clarified my friends that I will charge 100/Rs on any advice that I will provide as they never listen to it any way. At least this time they would. So cash in hand & advice from me otherwise my mouth is shut. Sorry guys… Business is business & friendship is friendship. Can’t mix them both otherwise I will start losing.
How could people forget things so easily? A friend of mine wants me to move on but then wants me to forget the past as well. If I forget the past, how would I know which mistake not to make again? Also how to move on by keeping all those same things with me coz of which I want to move on? This friend whom I’m stopping to keep friendship with a person who actually begged her to be friends & now they are friends just asked me via email yesterday that what has he done bad to us & why do you hate him. I can’t even believe this thing. How easily she forgets things & don’t even try to see why am I trying to stop her. So now I will not advice her on anything. I will arrange a fair argument with her. I will demand two solid reasons that why that person should be her friend & then I will provide two solid reasons why he should not. Another friend will be there to judge. If her points are powerful, I will become friend with that guy but if my points are powerful, she will stop all sorts of contacts with him. Let’s see what will happens but after this argument if she still wants to be his friend even if my points are powerful then I walk out of the relation coz then I don’t see any reason to stay as a friend coz if my friends want a friendship with me, it will be a full time one. If they want to pass time with me or a part time friendship, then I am really not interested in any sort of relation coz for me friendship is much more. Also let me make one more thing clear. I will stand as a wall every time when any of my friends starts walking on a wrong path so I will do that in future too. Same I expect from them to do. So my dear friends if you think my action is wrong & I have no rites to do this, you are most most most welcome to leave me coz it will happen in the future too.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
DAY 257
One of my friends has started walking on a path that might end up in harm & pain. I tried so many times to stop my friend. Every time my friend says okay will not do that but few weeks down the road my friend do the same. My friend starts walking on the same path again. So I have been thinking that what the value of my words is for my friend. I just can’t see my friend getting hurt & I know if my friend keep walking on that path, will get hurt sooner or later. Only problem is that I have no rights to make my friend stop & my friend has no trust in me so that’s why keeps walking on the road. I want to ask my friend a question. How many times I have said something & it did not happen? Well! I’m sure the answer would be never till now. So then why not trusting me on this part? Yes! I have no rights to tell anyone what to do & what not to & I cannot force anyone but then why am I here? Am I here just to act as a friend & do nothing? How many times any of your foes have stepped up to you & said you are walking on the wrong path? I’m sure never but when a friend do this, he is not considered as one.
It hurts when you see your friend walking a wrong path but it hurts even more when you are just standing there & can’t do a thing coz you have no rights to do anything. Now a question that I need to ask myself that why am I here as a friend? If I can’t even do anything to stop my friend then I don’t deserve to be a friend. So I think I should stop being a friend as my words have no value. I can only be an acquaintance. I think I should do that. So later I will not feel bad when my friend will get hurt. I can only hope that my friend stop walking that path before getting hurt coz once hurt, then there is no way to go back.
The world out there is full of selfish people. You cannot trust every person you meet. You cannot believe that every other person will be thinking the same way you do. I have seen strange events in my life. I have seen people changing in minutes & yes I have seen myself changing as well. If a person begs u to be his/her friend, I would defiantly ask one question from myself that why is he/she begging? What do I have that this person wants? There must be a reason for it but I have seen people just having pity on them & letting them being their friends but never thinking for once that what is his/her intension behind this. Why would anyone beg & request you to be a friend? There are millions of people out there better than you then why begging you? So there is something wrong defiantly. People just ignore these small things & later they are shocked to see the real part of those beggars but then it’s late. Then you can only cry & curse yourself for making them your friend.
Yes! I know you all can hate me for saying all this but if I’m wrong then you have all the rights to prove me wrong & I’m ready for it…
It hurts when you see your friend walking a wrong path but it hurts even more when you are just standing there & can’t do a thing coz you have no rights to do anything. Now a question that I need to ask myself that why am I here as a friend? If I can’t even do anything to stop my friend then I don’t deserve to be a friend. So I think I should stop being a friend as my words have no value. I can only be an acquaintance. I think I should do that. So later I will not feel bad when my friend will get hurt. I can only hope that my friend stop walking that path before getting hurt coz once hurt, then there is no way to go back.
The world out there is full of selfish people. You cannot trust every person you meet. You cannot believe that every other person will be thinking the same way you do. I have seen strange events in my life. I have seen people changing in minutes & yes I have seen myself changing as well. If a person begs u to be his/her friend, I would defiantly ask one question from myself that why is he/she begging? What do I have that this person wants? There must be a reason for it but I have seen people just having pity on them & letting them being their friends but never thinking for once that what is his/her intension behind this. Why would anyone beg & request you to be a friend? There are millions of people out there better than you then why begging you? So there is something wrong defiantly. People just ignore these small things & later they are shocked to see the real part of those beggars but then it’s late. Then you can only cry & curse yourself for making them your friend.
Yes! I know you all can hate me for saying all this but if I’m wrong then you have all the rights to prove me wrong & I’m ready for it…
Monday, January 18, 2010
DAY 256
Every Pakistani to get ‘Roti (Food), Kapra (Clothes) aur Makan (Shelter)’: Zardari
Reading this statement what do you want me to do? Laugh or cry… Well! I have decided not do react as it’s useless. This person can’t even get the killers arrested of his wife so how do we believe his words here? But yes I want to laugh on the stupid public & still the people supporting these jerks. This person was never elected by the public in the first place. How can & why would he be thinking about the public? It’s all BULL SHIT…
Today I saw my sister’s pic that she posted on Facebook. Wow! She was actually resembling mom in one of the pictures. She even posted her daughter’s pic. She is soooooo cute & I just wish to take her in my arms & kiss her but the distance between us is too much so I requested my sis to kiss her on my behalf. Hope she do that.
Yesterday two of my friends were fighting & they were copying me in their sms. First I kept quiet as I know it happens every 2-3 weeks gap but at one stage I realized that the argument was so unusual. One of them was saying that as she did not do that for me why should I do this for her. I was like WHAT??? I believe that friendship is not a contract base relation. You don’t put conditions in friendship that if you do this for me only then I will do this for you. If you have to apply these types of conditions, then why calling it a friendship. You can have this type of relation with any one. Friendship should be without conditions. Otherwise I don’t even see a reason of keeping any relation. At least this relation should be without selfishness. Please note that I’m not blaming any of my friends here. Its just my opinion & not pointing anything at anyone. Why I have to clarify? Coz my friends do take every advice of mine in a negative way. So I have also decided that no more advises for free. I will charge 100/Rs per advice. This is a special discount for my friends. For others price may vary. Also note that prices are subject to change without any notice…
Reading this statement what do you want me to do? Laugh or cry… Well! I have decided not do react as it’s useless. This person can’t even get the killers arrested of his wife so how do we believe his words here? But yes I want to laugh on the stupid public & still the people supporting these jerks. This person was never elected by the public in the first place. How can & why would he be thinking about the public? It’s all BULL SHIT…
Today I saw my sister’s pic that she posted on Facebook. Wow! She was actually resembling mom in one of the pictures. She even posted her daughter’s pic. She is soooooo cute & I just wish to take her in my arms & kiss her but the distance between us is too much so I requested my sis to kiss her on my behalf. Hope she do that.
Yesterday two of my friends were fighting & they were copying me in their sms. First I kept quiet as I know it happens every 2-3 weeks gap but at one stage I realized that the argument was so unusual. One of them was saying that as she did not do that for me why should I do this for her. I was like WHAT??? I believe that friendship is not a contract base relation. You don’t put conditions in friendship that if you do this for me only then I will do this for you. If you have to apply these types of conditions, then why calling it a friendship. You can have this type of relation with any one. Friendship should be without conditions. Otherwise I don’t even see a reason of keeping any relation. At least this relation should be without selfishness. Please note that I’m not blaming any of my friends here. Its just my opinion & not pointing anything at anyone. Why I have to clarify? Coz my friends do take every advice of mine in a negative way. So I have also decided that no more advises for free. I will charge 100/Rs per advice. This is a special discount for my friends. For others price may vary. Also note that prices are subject to change without any notice…
Friday, January 15, 2010
DAY 253
Today I had an adventures day. Started as a normal one but turned into an adventure. One of my friends was leaving for Lahore & my other friend had to be with her to the bus terminal as per plan & I have to be the hidden leader leading the whole plan but sitting & doing nothing. It was kind of boring that you just sit & tell others do this or do that. Yes I was planning but it was not me who has to follow the plan, it was them. First I had to contact one of them & had to make him agree to accompany the other one to the bus terminal while the other one was saying don’t need his help & I was like okay I will not ask him to come but I kept asking him.
I had a reason not to be there or otherwise I would have been with her to the terminal. Now the problem was that my friend who I actually requested to go has to be in the office as well after dropping her at the terminal & time was short. So sitting home & being bored I planned again & then the adventure started as I needed that to reduce the boring portion of the day. They were in a taxi & on the way to the terminal. I took my bike & I had to be there in time so I can pick him up & we both can go to the office.
I actually drove the bike like a crazy person & yes I survived two accidents. Yes, last minute brakes & last minute turns & then back on the same speed. I was driving through heavy vehicles like driving in a rally.
I actually made in time. I even passed by their taxi & they never even noticed while I made a quick stop at one of the traffic signals. I did not want them to see me, so I just let them go ahead & I followed them. Few minutes later she was at the terminal. My friend & me back were now on the bike & out for another adventure. In the capital 2 people on a bike is not allowed & we were the law breakers so almost at every signal or at few check points I had to stop the bike & my friend has to walk through those areas & I waited for him on the other end & then on the way for next level. One of the police officer did even stop us while we were on one of the signals waiting for our turn. He was about to walk towards us but luckily the signal turned green & we drove away. On the way I again survived another accident & even that did not stop or reduced my speed & we were at the office in time. This is what I call a strange day with 3 chances of death & high speed adventure.
I had a reason not to be there or otherwise I would have been with her to the terminal. Now the problem was that my friend who I actually requested to go has to be in the office as well after dropping her at the terminal & time was short. So sitting home & being bored I planned again & then the adventure started as I needed that to reduce the boring portion of the day. They were in a taxi & on the way to the terminal. I took my bike & I had to be there in time so I can pick him up & we both can go to the office.
I actually drove the bike like a crazy person & yes I survived two accidents. Yes, last minute brakes & last minute turns & then back on the same speed. I was driving through heavy vehicles like driving in a rally.
I actually made in time. I even passed by their taxi & they never even noticed while I made a quick stop at one of the traffic signals. I did not want them to see me, so I just let them go ahead & I followed them. Few minutes later she was at the terminal. My friend & me back were now on the bike & out for another adventure. In the capital 2 people on a bike is not allowed & we were the law breakers so almost at every signal or at few check points I had to stop the bike & my friend has to walk through those areas & I waited for him on the other end & then on the way for next level. One of the police officer did even stop us while we were on one of the signals waiting for our turn. He was about to walk towards us but luckily the signal turned green & we drove away. On the way I again survived another accident & even that did not stop or reduced my speed & we were at the office in time. This is what I call a strange day with 3 chances of death & high speed adventure.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
DAY 252
I really don’t know what’s wrong with my brain. Every time I try to advise my friends, they take it all negative leaving the actual point behind. Both of them at different stages have done this. Maybe my style of making them understand is wrong or maybe they always think I’m wrong & it all turns into a dilemma.
Oh GOD! Now they will think I’m blaming them again. In relations we do have complaints at some stage of life with our partners but why my complaint is considered as blame. I don’t blame, it’s just a complaint. There is a huge difference between the two. I just say what I feel & if I’m wrong then point it out at that same minute saying this is not the thing but I always get an unusual response like I blamed them. Why would I do that? Can’t I even complain now? Should I start keeping all the things in my heart & stop sharing what I felt or feel? If this is the way others won’t get hurt so yes I can do that but then one day I might blast with anger & might throw out all the words on others just like a lava. At least like this I don’t keep things in my heart & release them at the same moment. Yes! My straight forward nature is hurting people & they do feel that I being totally rude. I have to stop this. I actually have to stop this straight forward nature & sharing all feelings with other.
For the past 5 years I did not share anything with anyone & it turned me into an arrogant person (According to others). It was not me being arrogant but my lack of trusting people. I still don’t trust anyone in only few meetings. I really take time to trust someone & until I understand other’s nature I don’t share my secrets or feelings with them but when I start sharing, either people don’t even bother to listen or they listen while ignoring it. In other words they don’t even bother to understand me but what they love is just to share their talks & their feelings coz I don’t ignore them & I keep listening to them & I even remember it & try to understand them. Ok! Now I’m again blaming. Or am I complaining?
3 minutes it took me to write following lines & I turned it into a song “SHIKWA”:
MAIN NAY SHIKWA KIA US SAY
WOH SAMJHI ILZAAM HAI
MAIN NAY PYAR KIA US SAY
US NAY KAHA NADAAN HAI
KHWABOON KI IS DUNIYA MAIN
JEETA RAHA HOON KAB SAY MAIN
KIA JANA MAIN NAY PEHLAY
PYAR KA YEH ANJAAM HAI
MAIN NAY PYAR KIA US SAY
US NAY KAHA NADAAN HAI
APNA SAMJHA TU USAY BOL DIA
APNAYPAN KO NAFRAT SAMJHA
DIL KAY RISHTOON MAIN BHALA
NAFRAT KA KIA KAAM HAI
MAIN NAY PYAR KIA US SAY
US NAY KAHA NADAAN HAI
MAIN NAY SHIKWA KIA US SAY
WOH SAMJHI ILZAAM HAI
MAIN NAY PYAR KIA US SAY
US NAY KAHA NADAAN HAI
Oh GOD! Now they will think I’m blaming them again. In relations we do have complaints at some stage of life with our partners but why my complaint is considered as blame. I don’t blame, it’s just a complaint. There is a huge difference between the two. I just say what I feel & if I’m wrong then point it out at that same minute saying this is not the thing but I always get an unusual response like I blamed them. Why would I do that? Can’t I even complain now? Should I start keeping all the things in my heart & stop sharing what I felt or feel? If this is the way others won’t get hurt so yes I can do that but then one day I might blast with anger & might throw out all the words on others just like a lava. At least like this I don’t keep things in my heart & release them at the same moment. Yes! My straight forward nature is hurting people & they do feel that I being totally rude. I have to stop this. I actually have to stop this straight forward nature & sharing all feelings with other.
For the past 5 years I did not share anything with anyone & it turned me into an arrogant person (According to others). It was not me being arrogant but my lack of trusting people. I still don’t trust anyone in only few meetings. I really take time to trust someone & until I understand other’s nature I don’t share my secrets or feelings with them but when I start sharing, either people don’t even bother to listen or they listen while ignoring it. In other words they don’t even bother to understand me but what they love is just to share their talks & their feelings coz I don’t ignore them & I keep listening to them & I even remember it & try to understand them. Ok! Now I’m again blaming. Or am I complaining?
3 minutes it took me to write following lines & I turned it into a song “SHIKWA”:
MAIN NAY SHIKWA KIA US SAY
WOH SAMJHI ILZAAM HAI
MAIN NAY PYAR KIA US SAY
US NAY KAHA NADAAN HAI
KHWABOON KI IS DUNIYA MAIN
JEETA RAHA HOON KAB SAY MAIN
KIA JANA MAIN NAY PEHLAY
PYAR KA YEH ANJAAM HAI
MAIN NAY PYAR KIA US SAY
US NAY KAHA NADAAN HAI
APNA SAMJHA TU USAY BOL DIA
APNAYPAN KO NAFRAT SAMJHA
DIL KAY RISHTOON MAIN BHALA
NAFRAT KA KIA KAAM HAI
MAIN NAY PYAR KIA US SAY
US NAY KAHA NADAAN HAI
MAIN NAY SHIKWA KIA US SAY
WOH SAMJHI ILZAAM HAI
MAIN NAY PYAR KIA US SAY
US NAY KAHA NADAAN HAI
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
DAY 251
It’s been a quite experience for me for the past few days. Yesterday’s blog was not liked by a few but everything I write here is what I feel & I never said that I’m always right but yes if I’m wrong then everyone is welcome to point it out. What I feel I share on this media so no one should have objections on it. At least I do share my feelings. For the past few days I have been very serious and might have been rude at some stage but I had all the reasons to do that as I did inform my friends that this will happen so please bear me or leave me. They said that ”MIB I’m with you” but I have even seen statements changing in less than 24 hours so anything can happen.
I’m now getting irritated from few words & I feel they should not be there in any dictionary. I’m starting to hate these few words. Compromise, what’s up, move on. If I can make people irritated sometimes, people can too. People please stop using these words with me coz now they are getting on my nerves.
Someone asked me to move on. So how does a person moves on? I think you have to leave all those things that are related to an event coz of which you plan to move on. You can never move on with keeping those things along with you. You need time to be away from those things in order to get back to your normal state. So if I accept the advice & move on, I would have to leave all those things behind. Well! I think I should move on as I can never stay in the same state of mind.
I hate breaking relations but sometimes you are not left with choices. If I don’t break a relation, soon it will be broken from the other end anyhow. So the thing which has to happen later, why not now? Why keep living in that fear that it will break any day. Let’s break it once & end the fear. Instead of dying every day, let’s die today.
I would like to thank a few really nice friends of mine on the Facebook for sending me nice messages to support me. I would also like to thank my buddy for being there for me & not letting me loose the hope even though there was no hope left. He was even worried about me & for that I’m really grateful. May you all live happy…
I’m now getting irritated from few words & I feel they should not be there in any dictionary. I’m starting to hate these few words. Compromise, what’s up, move on. If I can make people irritated sometimes, people can too. People please stop using these words with me coz now they are getting on my nerves.
Someone asked me to move on. So how does a person moves on? I think you have to leave all those things that are related to an event coz of which you plan to move on. You can never move on with keeping those things along with you. You need time to be away from those things in order to get back to your normal state. So if I accept the advice & move on, I would have to leave all those things behind. Well! I think I should move on as I can never stay in the same state of mind.
I hate breaking relations but sometimes you are not left with choices. If I don’t break a relation, soon it will be broken from the other end anyhow. So the thing which has to happen later, why not now? Why keep living in that fear that it will break any day. Let’s break it once & end the fear. Instead of dying every day, let’s die today.
I would like to thank a few really nice friends of mine on the Facebook for sending me nice messages to support me. I would also like to thank my buddy for being there for me & not letting me loose the hope even though there was no hope left. He was even worried about me & for that I’m really grateful. May you all live happy…
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
DAY 250
Yesterday was one of the worse days of my life but every day you learn a lesson so did I. At the end of the day, I examine myself & found that I should achieve a few things not because others want them but just to show the bloody world that I can do anything when I put my mind into. Somehow I felt that someone was not trusting me enough & thinking that I won’t be able to do what I had promised but now I’m going to show everyone that I can do when I said I can but this is just to prove them. I don’t want to achieve anything from it but just to tell them that they could have trusted me which they did not.
I am not going to change myself for others anymore. They want to like me, like me or they have all the reasons to hate me & they are most welcome to do that. So people accept me the way I am or leave me alone & walk your own ways coz when I never demanded anyone to change so I should not be asked as well.
I also learnt in the past few days that only high education, good bank balance & strong career makes you a human. Others that don’t have these qualities can just move on & go to hell. Feelings, care for others, love, respect, & few other stupid things like these don’t really matter. What matter is how strong your future is, others don’t even have a reason to live. Well! This solves a big problem of the Pakistani government. I think now they have a strong reason to kill & shoot all poor humans as they don’t have these qualities to survive long.
So really do all these things make you a better human?? Till last Sunday I thought NO WAY but today I still say NO & I will always say NO coz I know that these things can only hide your weakness & your sins but they can never make you a better human. Better human is made by the teaching of your parents & somehow the surrounding makes you better only if you adopt good things. If rich people are better persons then this world should have been a better place to live coz all the rich people are in the leading roles but I still see almost all of them are taking the world to a disaster.
Can we guarantee that a rich person will always be the same in future? No one can. So that means even a rich person can change. The change could be in his/her behavior, in financial status & even in his/her thoughts. So why asking guarantees only from poor ones & why not form the rich ones when even they can change? Can you guarantee that your bank balance will remain the same for the rest of your life? If you can then how come people get bankrupt? Have you ever heard a poor got bankrupt? It’s always the rich ones so even their future has no guarantee. How much time does it takes for your destiny to change? If GOD wants, it can be changed in less than seconds. When you have doubts on your or others abilities, that’s the time you fail coz you don’t trust enough. You don’t trust in GOD & that is the only reason you keep on questioning other’s abilities coz the level of trust is almost 0%. You feel confused as you have doubts on your own abilities because you don’t even have trust in yourself.
Why do people make plans? If a plan is made & you are not convinced, do you actually believe you can convince others & win? NO WAY. To convince others, you have to convince yourself first & have to trust otherwise you will fail. If you can’t do that then you should not waste time in making plans. If you see a hurdle coming up in your life, what should be done? First you have to convince your mind that you can actually walk all the way breaking all the barriers & removing all the hurdles but when you already start thinking that this is not possible then there are only 2 reasons. Either you don’t want it to happen or you just can’t remove the fear from your heart & that is when you loose.
Yesterday I did not loose but I win. Someone else lost unfortunately & that person is close to my heart but that person lost coz of lack of trust in me or maybe in the plan or maybe the mind was already built that it can’t be done. I did not loose coz I tried & I did not win coz I trusted the people with whom I made the plan but I wish that friend of mine had trusted me too. Well! In the end, I did not loose. Yes the pain in me made me felt loosing everything but if one of your partners in plan is never convinced or not interested, it happens. So who lost??
I am not going to change myself for others anymore. They want to like me, like me or they have all the reasons to hate me & they are most welcome to do that. So people accept me the way I am or leave me alone & walk your own ways coz when I never demanded anyone to change so I should not be asked as well.
I also learnt in the past few days that only high education, good bank balance & strong career makes you a human. Others that don’t have these qualities can just move on & go to hell. Feelings, care for others, love, respect, & few other stupid things like these don’t really matter. What matter is how strong your future is, others don’t even have a reason to live. Well! This solves a big problem of the Pakistani government. I think now they have a strong reason to kill & shoot all poor humans as they don’t have these qualities to survive long.
So really do all these things make you a better human?? Till last Sunday I thought NO WAY but today I still say NO & I will always say NO coz I know that these things can only hide your weakness & your sins but they can never make you a better human. Better human is made by the teaching of your parents & somehow the surrounding makes you better only if you adopt good things. If rich people are better persons then this world should have been a better place to live coz all the rich people are in the leading roles but I still see almost all of them are taking the world to a disaster.
Can we guarantee that a rich person will always be the same in future? No one can. So that means even a rich person can change. The change could be in his/her behavior, in financial status & even in his/her thoughts. So why asking guarantees only from poor ones & why not form the rich ones when even they can change? Can you guarantee that your bank balance will remain the same for the rest of your life? If you can then how come people get bankrupt? Have you ever heard a poor got bankrupt? It’s always the rich ones so even their future has no guarantee. How much time does it takes for your destiny to change? If GOD wants, it can be changed in less than seconds. When you have doubts on your or others abilities, that’s the time you fail coz you don’t trust enough. You don’t trust in GOD & that is the only reason you keep on questioning other’s abilities coz the level of trust is almost 0%. You feel confused as you have doubts on your own abilities because you don’t even have trust in yourself.
Why do people make plans? If a plan is made & you are not convinced, do you actually believe you can convince others & win? NO WAY. To convince others, you have to convince yourself first & have to trust otherwise you will fail. If you can’t do that then you should not waste time in making plans. If you see a hurdle coming up in your life, what should be done? First you have to convince your mind that you can actually walk all the way breaking all the barriers & removing all the hurdles but when you already start thinking that this is not possible then there are only 2 reasons. Either you don’t want it to happen or you just can’t remove the fear from your heart & that is when you loose.
Yesterday I did not loose but I win. Someone else lost unfortunately & that person is close to my heart but that person lost coz of lack of trust in me or maybe in the plan or maybe the mind was already built that it can’t be done. I did not loose coz I tried & I did not win coz I trusted the people with whom I made the plan but I wish that friend of mine had trusted me too. Well! In the end, I did not loose. Yes the pain in me made me felt loosing everything but if one of your partners in plan is never convinced or not interested, it happens. So who lost??
Monday, January 11, 2010
DAY 249
The fear of Sunday that kept me in pain for the past few days is now gone. No I did not win but yes, I lost. I do want to thank a few friends for their support & prayers but when GOD has planned something else, it happens. People want me to be perfect. I’m just one normal human being in this world & I can’t be perfect. Yes, I have lots of problems in me but if that is an excuse for not accepting me then I humbly accept all the decisions against me. Sometimes people think I’m rude. The way life has played games with me, what do you expect? Yes! Life has changed me a lot but it was not me like this but situations that made me like this.
The pain in my neck at this moment was really so great when I woke up this morning but now the pain in my heart is even more than anything. The pain of rejection, the pain of not being accepted the way I am, the pain of dreams getting shattered, the pain of loosing relations & the pain of being lost in the world once again.
5 years back I started a strange journey of my life & I left everything behind for some reason & today I feel standing at that same point. That day I walked with trust in GOD. Today I can’t even walk coz I don’t really know why & where to walk. I wish this all to end. There is a life in the next world. I want to start that now. I want to visit the next world. Even there will be only & only pain for me. Me & my burning flesh in fire. Don’t even know weather I want to visit that world or not but everyone has to go. Everyone will be punished so will be I. I’m not even prepared for it.
I just can’t go this way, can I? No I will have to live. It’s not coz I’m very strong. I’m really not, I’m only in pain but I have to do it for the people that depend on me. I just can’t even write this anymore. The pain in the heart & the pain in the neck are freezing the words in my brain & I’m totally lost. I see only one power that might help me & if HE won’t than this might be my end…
CHAHAT MERI SHAYED KAM RAHI
JO NA MUJHAY AAJ TAK WOH MIL SAKI
DHUNDTA MAIN RAHA US KO HAR GHARI
JAB MILI TU BAN GAI AJNABI
The pain in my neck at this moment was really so great when I woke up this morning but now the pain in my heart is even more than anything. The pain of rejection, the pain of not being accepted the way I am, the pain of dreams getting shattered, the pain of loosing relations & the pain of being lost in the world once again.
5 years back I started a strange journey of my life & I left everything behind for some reason & today I feel standing at that same point. That day I walked with trust in GOD. Today I can’t even walk coz I don’t really know why & where to walk. I wish this all to end. There is a life in the next world. I want to start that now. I want to visit the next world. Even there will be only & only pain for me. Me & my burning flesh in fire. Don’t even know weather I want to visit that world or not but everyone has to go. Everyone will be punished so will be I. I’m not even prepared for it.
I just can’t go this way, can I? No I will have to live. It’s not coz I’m very strong. I’m really not, I’m only in pain but I have to do it for the people that depend on me. I just can’t even write this anymore. The pain in the heart & the pain in the neck are freezing the words in my brain & I’m totally lost. I see only one power that might help me & if HE won’t than this might be my end…
CHAHAT MERI SHAYED KAM RAHI
JO NA MUJHAY AAJ TAK WOH MIL SAKI
DHUNDTA MAIN RAHA US KO HAR GHARI
JAB MILI TU BAN GAI AJNABI
Thursday, January 7, 2010
DAY 245
First of all I would like to thank my friends on Facebook for reading my blogs & for sending me prayer & best wishes. I really need those as I am about to be in a position where I might stand alone & might loose good friends or maybe I win them.
I’m going through the war of heart & mind again. My heart is asking me to walk on a path that might lead to pain & my brain is saying don’t but I will follow my heart. If I pass the exam on Sunday then upcoming days are more difficult ones. I would again need more prayers & wishes coz the upcoming path is even tougher then the next Sunday. Let’s see what happens. Either I will win or loose. If I win, would be a really happy & great day of my life. If I loose, I would loose all, my smile, my happiness, my stupid sense of humor & maybe my life.
The weather is really cold now. Last night there was only & only fog. I actually drove my bike when at some stage it was zero visibility. While riding the bike I asked my friend to keep his eyes open as he said that he can see. I told him that he is married but I am not. At least let me get married too before I die. Well! Ok that was a joke. At the moment I don’t really want to die coz I might have a chance to win happiness of my life.
Today one of my friend sent SMS saying “No lights”. I replied, “No light, no sugar, no water, no flour, no gas & no leader but still Pakistan is there”… GOD is GREAT… There is no electricity but they have increased the tariffs. There is no pressure in gas but yes, they increased the tariff. Why they hell we should pay more & for what? We don’t even get the thing for which they want us to pay. Sometimes I really wish that if GOD could give me the power of “Invisible” for sometimes, I would have made their lives hell. Yes I’m talking about the stupid & idiotic people in the government. One of the Ministers kept promising that electric load shedding will end after 31 December & that Minister has the ministry of water & power. So it is not the end. You know why? Coz he mentioned the year. The Prime Minister asked him not to make promises & don’t give a dead line. WOW!!!! Isn’t that great?? So it means they don’t want to fix anything & when their 5 years of government will end, they will simply say, “We were about to fix all but we just ran out of time. If we are given another chance, we will do it in the first year & this will be the gift to the public.” How stupid is this public? This public does not deserve gifts. They only deserve poverty so this is the gift for them…
I’m going through the war of heart & mind again. My heart is asking me to walk on a path that might lead to pain & my brain is saying don’t but I will follow my heart. If I pass the exam on Sunday then upcoming days are more difficult ones. I would again need more prayers & wishes coz the upcoming path is even tougher then the next Sunday. Let’s see what happens. Either I will win or loose. If I win, would be a really happy & great day of my life. If I loose, I would loose all, my smile, my happiness, my stupid sense of humor & maybe my life.
The weather is really cold now. Last night there was only & only fog. I actually drove my bike when at some stage it was zero visibility. While riding the bike I asked my friend to keep his eyes open as he said that he can see. I told him that he is married but I am not. At least let me get married too before I die. Well! Ok that was a joke. At the moment I don’t really want to die coz I might have a chance to win happiness of my life.
Today one of my friend sent SMS saying “No lights”. I replied, “No light, no sugar, no water, no flour, no gas & no leader but still Pakistan is there”… GOD is GREAT… There is no electricity but they have increased the tariffs. There is no pressure in gas but yes, they increased the tariff. Why they hell we should pay more & for what? We don’t even get the thing for which they want us to pay. Sometimes I really wish that if GOD could give me the power of “Invisible” for sometimes, I would have made their lives hell. Yes I’m talking about the stupid & idiotic people in the government. One of the Ministers kept promising that electric load shedding will end after 31 December & that Minister has the ministry of water & power. So it is not the end. You know why? Coz he mentioned the year. The Prime Minister asked him not to make promises & don’t give a dead line. WOW!!!! Isn’t that great?? So it means they don’t want to fix anything & when their 5 years of government will end, they will simply say, “We were about to fix all but we just ran out of time. If we are given another chance, we will do it in the first year & this will be the gift to the public.” How stupid is this public? This public does not deserve gifts. They only deserve poverty so this is the gift for them…
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
DAY 244
Another very long gap on the blog which I really hate. I have been through few strange paths of life & somehow I thought not to share so I quit the blog for few days.
A new year has already started & the last few days were bit busy in the office. I really enjoy if I have busy days in the office as at the end of the day, I feels so happy that I actually did something in the office as the past few months were really bad for the business. The New Year might change this & I really hope that.
I am actually waiting for coming Sunday. I have a strange part of life that I have been living for the past 5 & a half years & that part is hidden from everyone I meet on daily basis & including two of my very close friends but now the relation is at such a stage that I feel I should tell them my hidden life. So Sunday I will revel my hidden life to them & then I will let them decide if they want to hate me or still like me. I have no idea what they will plan but I’m ready to take that chance coz I love taking risks in life.
I have a very strange feeling that 2010 will bring a great change in my life. Now this great will either be in a positive or in a negative way but it will be a great one. How many times in life you went to someone you never meet before to ask for something that you really want but you are not eligible for it, you don’t even fall in the criteria. I might be in that situation very soon. Why might be? After that Sunday & the decisions of my friends, it will be decided weather I should be in that situation or not. According to my friends currently they think that without being eligible I still have a 70% chance to win. Out of those two friends, one of them calls all three of us “3 Idiots”. So they both think that I have a 70% chance which confirms 2 idiots out of three. I’m still not confirmed but if I think the same way, I will be confirmed. According to me, I have only 5-10% chance to win but I actually hope that they both win. Hopes & only hopes I can say but yes till the last chance I will not give up. So it is about to be a “Do or die” situation. Only one last chance for me to win & if I loose this one then I will get lost somewhere in this damn world.
A new year has already started & the last few days were bit busy in the office. I really enjoy if I have busy days in the office as at the end of the day, I feels so happy that I actually did something in the office as the past few months were really bad for the business. The New Year might change this & I really hope that.
I am actually waiting for coming Sunday. I have a strange part of life that I have been living for the past 5 & a half years & that part is hidden from everyone I meet on daily basis & including two of my very close friends but now the relation is at such a stage that I feel I should tell them my hidden life. So Sunday I will revel my hidden life to them & then I will let them decide if they want to hate me or still like me. I have no idea what they will plan but I’m ready to take that chance coz I love taking risks in life.
I have a very strange feeling that 2010 will bring a great change in my life. Now this great will either be in a positive or in a negative way but it will be a great one. How many times in life you went to someone you never meet before to ask for something that you really want but you are not eligible for it, you don’t even fall in the criteria. I might be in that situation very soon. Why might be? After that Sunday & the decisions of my friends, it will be decided weather I should be in that situation or not. According to my friends currently they think that without being eligible I still have a 70% chance to win. Out of those two friends, one of them calls all three of us “3 Idiots”. So they both think that I have a 70% chance which confirms 2 idiots out of three. I’m still not confirmed but if I think the same way, I will be confirmed. According to me, I have only 5-10% chance to win but I actually hope that they both win. Hopes & only hopes I can say but yes till the last chance I will not give up. So it is about to be a “Do or die” situation. Only one last chance for me to win & if I loose this one then I will get lost somewhere in this damn world.
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