DAY 207

Two days of EID are gone & I would say really boring days. Nothing much to do but sit in front of the TV or computer & again doing or gaining nothing. I wanted to plan it good but somehow I failed. Well! To all my readers & to all Muslims around the world, EID MUBARAK & may you all have a wonderful life ahead.

For the past so many days I have been living two different lives. Trying to be someone but can’t be & will not be but still I forget that & I keep trying. I have to stop it but somehow I’m failing to do that. & I wish I could really do it. If I could have one last wish, I would ask to remove last few months from my stupid memory.

How many times in life your brain & your heart fight with each other?? It has been happing for the past few days. My brain says no, my hearts says yes & it keeps on going but I stand there finding myself going nowhere. Could I stop these voices in me, the voice of heart or the voice of brain? Could I stop anyone of them? I really don’t want to listen to any of those coz both of them have their stupid reasons but for me, it’s just confusing & very painful. I really want to stop now but I fail every time. Maybe part of me doesn’t want to stop because I know I can do anything once I put my mind into it. I can’t explain what’s going in me in words as somehow I even fail to express myself in words…

DAY 204

How many times in life have you discovered that you have become an uncle of a new born child & the child belongs to your sister & you don’t even know that?? How many times?? Well! For me third time & this time I actually came to know almost after 11 months. Well! They could have waited one more so I could have wrote a complete year. Guess I’m on my way to make records. Hey anyone knows if there is a world record for that? I just want to see at what rank do I stand.

What a family I have… Really what a family. I can’t believe it. They don’t share happiness, they don’t share sadness. Good they don’t share sadness as I already have lots & lots of it but come on, they could have told me this 11 months back. What would have I done? So an email came to me with a subject “Introducing”, like I’m about to see a movie. Well! It was a movie for me. I was so shocked & confused as I just received a pic & name & it was me who has to guess who is she. Well! My brains do work & I guessed it right but they could have kept it to themselves for the rest of my life. Why telling me even now???

Well! Here is the picture of my niece & her name is “ROHA”.


I love kids & especially cute little baby girls so I have nothing against this cute child. I’m sure she will never know who I am but if in life she ever come to know, she would be happy to see that I mentioned her on my blog with her name as I don’t mention names on my blog.

Tomorrow EID is going to be celebrated here in my country & after such a long time or maybe for the first time, EID will be celebrated on the same day all over the country. Strange?? Yes! It is but really good as well because after such a long time I see unity in the decision. Thank you Mr. Moon for not showing up on different days at different parts of country.

DAY 201

Another strange day in life is currently passing. I am again some where back in the past & finding myself in strange paths of life. These ups & downs are the beauty of life. On Saturday while I was hiking, I was on a path with no signboards & all the way it was tough to walk on. That path & my life are the same. That is the reason I enjoyed it because I have been walking on those path for so many years. Every day a new road of life with no guidelines & it’s leading towards an unknown destination. It will keep on going & one day a dead end.

I took a walk in the morning & enjoyed it. It was cold & still is but I think I should do that more often. Walking in the morning actually changes your day. In what sense? I don’t know. At least I felt tired. That’s was a change. My friend was asking me if he can have breakfast with me but I rejected the plan as I was not in a mood of having anything fast. Even I was walking slow coz I was feeling life is getting too slow.

Whenever I’m using my computer, my cat comes & sits in my laps or she has discovered a new place for heating. She has started sitting on the monitor. It works as a heater for her. She was sitting there in the morning & was sleeping. She was looking like a statue & she was looking so pretty so I took the picture.

My friends are making another plan after EID to watch a movie. Let me predict. Nah! It will not work the way it will be planned. In the end the plan will change as it always happen. One of them who always say yes to every plan & at the last minutes cancel it has said yes again to this one & I’m having that strong feeling that he will do it again. I am not planning anything regarding the plan as I have already told them that please just call me at the last minute but don’t put me in any plans as I really hate this because I know once again it will be the same old story & the person who cancels the plans at the last minute will have an interesting excuse in the end. Just really want to know what it will be this time… Guess have to wait & see…

DAY 200

What a day I had in life. I would say best days that can be gifted by nature. Saturday 21/11/09 was one of those days I will not forget in life. Reason is that not every day you have 9 hours of continues fun & enjoyment.

It all started from a plan that was created by one SMS by a friend of mine on 15/11/09 (Sunday). Yes I’m talking about the same hiking plan that was created by someone but enjoyed by others. My predictions came true. The way plan was scheduled never happened but the way me & my friend re-scheduled it, it all went so great.

All started in the morning when I suddenly woke up around 8:15 as I usually don’t get out of my bed at that time. My friend who was going with me, she did mention in her blog that I got late but never mentioned why I got late. It was her who has to wake me up but no worries. So around 9 we started the journey of a wonderful & a fantastic day. First stop was breakfast & we had planned “HALWA PURI”. So first we went to Commercial Market for it. My friend actually counted the number of PURIS she had. According to her 5 but I never counted it. I never knew that it was a competition but I think she won.

After having that cool breakfast, we went to BLUE AREA. We had to go to the bank. Then my friend wanted to shop some windows. Nah! She did not buy anything. It was just window shopping but honestly she never looked at any windows. She was interested in long coats, jeans & mufflers. Oh! Not to forget the red Manchester United ball… Meanwhile I discovered that we actually liked the same things. Yes! We do have a few things in common. During all this time the person who actually created the plan of hiking kept on sending SMS & wanted us to miss him but it was his own decision not to come. I personally asked him so many times to be there at least for me but honestly I’m not that good that someone would consider my request. After that next stop was the hiking track.

We were there at almost 12:05 in front of Track 2 that leads all the way to DAMAN-E-KOH. Looking at the track, we both first looked at each other to see if we should start walking on that path or not. My friend was a bit scared initially but I just told her that we can do it. I actually cannot describe the path the way she did in her blog. It was a strange path to walk on. Dead bushes all around with no guidelines. I kept on joking all the way so she doesn’t get scared. We actually had to choose left & rights on the way & I asked her to choose & she kept on choosing the tough paths to walk on. We stopped twice on the way & she kept on taking pictures. It took us almost 24-25 minutes to finish that track. Reaching there we saw dead end or you can say no where to go. For a second we laughed but then I did manage to find a way out & there we were at DAMAN-E-KOH. We were actually so happy that we did it coz the minute we started walking on the path, we both had doubts as it was totally jungle around us. Here I really would like to thank her for having the trust in me as it was only two of us walking through that jungle. After having drinks we wanted to hike all the way to the top (PEER SAHAWA) but unfortunately we were not able to do it as everyone we asked said that the path has been closed due to criminal activity few days back.

We took the taxi all the way up & found ourselves on a disappointing location known as PEER SAHAWA. Nothing there but hotels. Not even a good view of the city. Their we decided to have lunch but honestly that HALWA PURI worked & we were not hungry at all. So we ordered tea. After that we took the taxi back to F6 Supermarket & she kept on taking pictures all the way down. There I actually asked her to delay her journey back to Lahore which was scheduled at 04:00. I wanted her to leave the next day but she could not. Again I would like to thank her as she did delay it for 2 more hours. The thing she loves the most is shopping so she looked around while I got some finger chips. Then we decided to visit RAWAL DAMN as we had 2 extra hours. Yes! Not part of the plan but we kept on changing plans & that was the fun part.

Reaching there we almost spend an hour or so & it was again fun. I kept on teasing her & joking while she kept on taking pictures. We even walked towards the residence area that is around the damn. Then we had some ice cream on the way back to her hostel. She had to get her luggage from there as she had to start a new journey all the way to Lahore from there. We did decide to visit the MONUMENT but due to lack of time we asked the taxi driver to turn the engine towards RAWALPINDI.

From there & all the way to the terminal, I was a bit quiet as I really hate goodbyes & I never wanted such a wonderful day to end in sadness as every time someone leaves, it’s painful. This is the only reason I always avoid goodbyes at airports, stations or bus stands. I left her at the bus at 06:06 & then I started walking.

From there I was feeling so down & lonely as every time a friend leaves, it’s hard. This was the moment I wanted a friend to be with me but what I saw was myself walking all alone. I walked half way back home as I just wanted to do that & I had planned that the minute my feet would start hurting, I would get a cab back home.

So the day started wonderfully but ended in sadness but to be very honest, the moment I had in those 9 hours were much great than the last hours of the night. I would really love to go back in time & live that day again & again…

DAY 197

Hiking is still on for tomorrow morning & honestly speaking twice it has been cancelled & every time it wasn’t me. Either it was one friend or the other. In fact both of them have cancelled it once. Let’s see what goes on. I still have doubts but I hope this time it really works. Oh! I just got a message from one of them that no hiking for him. There we go again.

One of my friend is about to leave for almost 15 days & I told her not to go with bad feelings or in anger as who knows today we are here & tomorrow we might not be. Few days in life so let’s have fun & enjoy but I’m having a bad feeling that she will go sad coz of my good friend not coming tomorrow.

EID is almost a week away & once again as usual, I’m not shopping. I’m such a boring person. I don’t like to shop. I don’t like to go out. Why? I have no idea. After a long time I will be at home on EID day with family as previously I had to be in the office. I know EID will be boring coz I have lost a child in me that loves to enjoy & have fun. I wonder where that Child In Brightness (CIB) went.

A friend of my friend who I just know by name is going through a tough time. Her family is forcing her or you can say emotionally blackmailing her to get married to a person she hates. When the hell is this going to stop? Why can’t we allow people to live their life, to make their own decisions? Why every time we try to impose our thoughts on others? It is her life & no one has the right to destroy it. I will only say one thing to all the girls in this world that be strong & don’t let anyone play with your feelings or let your lives get destroyed coz life is given only once & don’t ever get married to a person you hate even if everyone is blackmailing you emotionally.

Few days back 5 blind girls passed by my house with their teacher in front. All of them were grabbing each other’s hand & were walking in a queue. The teacher was walking in front & she was a bit far from them but she was guiding them with her voice & the nice thing was that the girl in front, she was doing the same as the teacher was telling & others were simply following her. Felt sad for them but was happy to see the unity & trust among them. I wish to see that trust & unity in my country. I really wish to see that.

DAY 195

Today I discovered something about me. I never ever had time to think about it but a friend asked me how many friends I had since my birth & when I started counting, GOD I was astonished to see that only 5 people in my life. These 5 people were the ones I call great buddies & I had shared my feelings with them. Others came & went just like link roads on a highway of life. I never thought on this that why only 5 great friends in life. At every stage of my life, I only had 2-3 friends but strangely they are only 5. For others I was a good friend but for me they were not. Well! What a waste of life :) …

Everyday I decide that I will write my blog on daily basis but unfortunately I can’t coz everyday nothing happen new in life & I don’t want bad or boring moments to be shared here anymore.

On a chat I was having a debate with someone that what is life. He was saying life is a joke & I said no it’s a punishment. I won’t say life is a joke coz if it is then why I don’t see people laughing or smiling. I only see faces with pain or like lost in thoughts just like someone has punished them. Well! Maybe both of us are wrong. Life is nothing but an exam but it really doesn’t make a difference what it is. I don’t know when ever I start typing my blog, I feel sadness in me but when I’m in conversations with friends I keep on joking & keep on giving them laughs & smiles but why I can’t spread laughs & smiles on my blog. This is a question and I need to find the answer for this.

Oh! I forgot to mention that today when I came in the office, I saw a colleague reading my blog. Wow! I’m famous. I thought that no one reads them but me & 2 others but now I feel that the quantity is increasing.

My friends are planning to go on hiking coming Saturday but I have told one of them that please don’t tell me anything. Once you all are ready, give me a call & I will come because they always fail to make any plan. At the last minute it always gets cancelled & the reason is always any of them. Last Sunday I was asked through an SMS if I’m in the plan & I never answered it. The only reason is that even if I say yes, it always no in the end & one of them will come up with an excuse. The person who sent the SMS is the one who always have problems in the last minutes & he is always trying to plan things. Let’s see what happens this time.

DAY 193

The weekend is gone & now back to weekly normal routine. Start of a good day today but the work at office is really down. Just hoping it gets back to the same graph as it was previously. Went to the bank with a friend today & she did something funny there but I will not mention it here as I promised her but really it was fun today. See… I did not write anything about it :)

Had a good weekend. Attended a wedding ceremony & had some good time. Reached there a bit late coz of two good reasons. The first, directions given to us were not perfect so we had to find the location & second, had to rush to the market to get the gift which we had to buy on Friday but the shops were closed so had to do it on Saturday. We got a really nice table clock which was really cool to watch. Hope the couple would like the gift. Reaching at the venue, I once again discovered that I was the only one in my two piece suit. I was expecting that. The time when we reached there, it was lunch time & we just missed the Nikah ceremony but no worries as we were there in time for the food. I must say food was good but the sweet dish was really cooooool. It was Kheer. I was again in my observing mode. Looking around & observing people is something I always enjoy. I saw people actually filling the plates like it was the first & the last time they will be having food. After food, I was sitting relaxed & looking around when the groom started walking from one end of the hall to the other as he was about to have a photo shot with his bride. The ladies & gents were sitting separately & he was about to enter the ladies section but before that while he passed by me, he actually stopped & then came towards me. I stood up, hugged him & congratulated him. I never meet him before in my life but it was really strange to see him coming towards me while he left all others behind. Oh! I do need to mention a young boy here as well. Me & this young kid, both of us were trying to find a spoon & he founded it but again strangely he gave it to me even though I told him no but he insisted. Well! These are the benefits of wearing suits of benefits of doubt. So the ceremony went nice & cool & I really wish both of them a great life with happiness. By the way, the bride did not cry even for once although her family was crying. Strange? Yeah! But it happened.

Currently I am having a slow headache & don’t really know why. It is increasing gradually so I need to end this now as it is even painful for me to look at the monitor continuously.

DAY 189

It is now really cold out there & yes when me & my friend go back home at nights, oh GOD! It feels like driving through a deep freezer. My buddy did forget the sweater yesterday & yes he enjoyed the moment every minute when I increased the speed of the bike. While I was talking to him, it was getting hard for him to speak & I kept on teasing him & the result is, today he did bring his sweater. So today I can at least drive the bike at a normal speed as yesterday coz of him I was driving at a low one.

I’m still alive & still not arrested for writing anything against the top most official of Pakistan yesterday. So, it’s a good sign. This gives me more courage to write but honestly how many people out there read my blogs? I’m sure no one or maybe 3-4. Well! That will not stop me. I don’t write for others but for myself. I enjoy it by sharing my own feelings with non other than me. I discovered something about me that I can share or say anything while writing but when it comes face to face, I fail.

Landlord’s daughter is getting married on Saturday. Which landlord? Oh the one who owns the house and for which I pay the rent. So tomorrow night is the Mehndi & on Saturday the Nikkah Ceremony + Rukhsati. On Sunday it’s Waleema. So there goes my weekend all planned. I do not enjoy parties and I always try to avoid them but this one I would have to attend otherwise who knows the next month they might increase the rent. Tomorrow morning I would have to getup early so I can go out & buy a decent gift for his daughter. It’s been 2 days & I have been getting up late but tomorrow, have to do it. Still don’t know what to buy & what to gift. I have asked the family to decide as I’m not good in making choices. My family always tells me that my choices are rubbish. Well! Maybe but who cares.

Pakistan is all set to face New Zealand today in the T20 cricket match. Let’s see what happens. I’m not going to comment on this as it doesn’t make a difference. If they play well, they will win otherwise they will win. Oh! The second “they” is for New Zealand.

DAY 188

Had a different day in life today. It was relaxed & calm. Woke-up late but had a nice day throughout. I am already feeling a good change in me. Yesterday, I decided a few things & because of that now I feel relaxed & tension free. I have decided to change my priorities in life. From today, first it’s me, my family, my job & then others. Yes that sounds too selfish because every thing has me in it. Well! Actually it is always me for everyone. Any step we take in life or any of our acts has me in it somewhere because directly or in-directly we are always doing it for ourselves.

Today I was just browsing Facebook contacts & their contacts & there I saw my sister who I saw last time in 2004. Her face features have not changed but I see her smile changed. Maybe I’m wrong but I do miss her. She was a tomboy type of girl but not sure if she has changed by now or not. Well! Someday if I ever meet her, I might come to know that but for the time being, there is a long gap which I think cannot be filled with words.

Check this out:

Zardari allegedly made big money in sub-marine sale. (French Media)

This is so called President of Pakistan elected by whom, I have no idea. Reading this news, what will one think of our country where the top most government official is corrupt? I know now his fellow officials will try to defend him by saying that this is a lie or all made up but has anybody ever compared his CV with President of any other country. I’m sure no. The news also says that he is most probably the richest man in Pakistan. People are dying of hunger, no light, no gas, no water, no sugar, sometimes no flour but this person is only on a mission to fill his Swiss accounts. I know I can get arrested by writing this but why can’t he get arrested by doing all that? Where the hell is the freedom than? People can rob & still could live as the most respected citizen of the country but others can’t just because they spoke. If this is freedom then I’m afraid we are not free country.

DAY 187

After spending a great day, I’m back to my old dull life. Today when I woke up, I was in deep sadness & lots of pain but this pain was even more than my sickness & running nose. In one hand I had the tissue paper & in the other dark lines of my bad luck. I have decided to change it all. Oh! I even wrote some lines or you can call them my new dialogue:

Let me kill my heart
Let me fall apart
Let me drive through pain
Let me die again

Well! It’s not poetry but words of my heart. Why I want to die again? Well so I can start a new life with new aim & new strength. I gave a target to myself to change in a month but I will do it before & then my past is all gone & forgotten & for me a start of a new journey.

What a cricket match it was last night. Well! Yes the Pakistani team lost but the good part was that they suddenly started a fight back & they were almost there but at the end they lost. So for me it was a good & exciting match.

A TV channel in Pakistan is running a campaign “Boycott Sugar”. As they have started it, we now find sugar in the market but yes not on the price of 40Rs. as per the court order but at 65-70Rs. Also for two days CNG stations are on break with no supplying of gas. First no light, then no gas, no sugar, no water & soon no humans. This is the program on which our government is working & somehow they are achieving their targets as well but they never thought even for once that if there won’t be any humans then why the hell there would be a government. Maybe all the government officials are planning to shift to US or Europe.

DAY 186

What a long gap I took from my blog. Yes long time but always good to be back. No, I did not go away. I was not even on vacations. It was just that I was waiting for that one good day to come by so I can write as my blogs are becoming too depressing & when ever my mom reads them, she gets worried. So I just want to share good moments of life but for that I would have to wait long every time as good moments don’t come everyday in life & especially in mine, no way, not even every week.

The day started with rain showers & clouds all over the sky & the clouds were there all the day. Due to the rain, it’s now cold & yes we can welcome winter & GOD I miss my jacket.

I had a great day with a friend of mine today. Picked her up from the buss terminal, went to lunch. Ordered Mutton Karhai (half) & yes ate it all leaving nothing behind. Another friend of mine did ask not to eat salad but sorry buddy, I ate the tomato. Had some good talks on the table & then on the way to Gloria Jeans for some coffee. Well not some only one for me & one for her. Before having our coffee, we visited around the shop & waited for 2 others to join us but one of them did not show up. Yes that salad guy was not there. The other guy showed up for whom I had bad feelings in my heart coz of some bad days passed by, after meeting him & because of her, I just removed all the bad things & met him well & have decided to forget the past & lets live in the present. So no more bad feelings for anyone & I have just cleaned my heart.

Loving cats & being with them have created a strange feeling in my heart for them. While sitting & waiting for the other two at Gloria Jeans, a cat passed by & I just touched her head with love & guess what, the next minute she was in my laps & sitting like she knows me since ages. God I could not believe what happened but that moment was cool as well. I put her down trice & she kept on jumping & sitting on my laps just the way my cats do. What a lovely animal…

After that we were inside Gloria Jeans having coffee & honestly while sitting outside I was feeling so cold that when I came in & had the coffee, my body temperature came back to normal so yes the coffee was good. A few lines of laughs were shared there among three of us & I was fine with this guy who I had issues but honestly I changed it all & that was for my cute friend.

Meanwhile the salad friend kept on sending me sms that don’t come to the office & then come to the office & then ok if u can’t, then don’t & then could you please come. So I decided to go to the office. I dropped my cute friend back to the hostel & returned back to the office. There my salad friend was waiting to here the details of the trip but for me it was a great day, for her it might be fun & for my salad friend it might be just another normal day. Before ending this, I would really like to thank her for letting me have an opportunity to spend such a great time with her as these memories will always remain with me in my heart coz for me good days are always few. So not hard for me to remember them…

DAY 179

From my last blog my friends were sad as they said that for me my cats are more important than my friends. For them, first I wrote that to save a life is more important than being a friend & it is really a truth. For me to save a life is much more important than anything in life. Secondly, I do love my cats more than friends as in response I get love from them but ignorance from my friends.

My cute cat is bit fine but still not eating. Only in the phase of drinking water. I was & still tensed regarding her health. I just want her to be back in action by jumping around & playing like a kid.

After reading my last few blogs, my mom called from Saudi Arabia & asked me what’s wrong. She was saying that either I’m in trouble or someone is hurting me. I told her that I’m fine. It’s just ups & downs of life. She asked me to make arrangements & come to Saudia which I said I will think about. Thank you mom for being worried about me & honestly I’m fine.

Another blast & this time its Rawalpindi. I’m sure the government will say we had information about it. GOD please stop this as those stupid minds calling themselves Muslims are not only killing innocent people including children & women but they are also doing it for nothing.

I have decided not to write any depressing moments as my mom gets worried & would try to write the good parts of life. Unfortunately good moments happens less in my life & I don’t feel like sharing my thoughts with others as every sentence of mine is a dialogue of a movie so I just share it here. Now I’m seriously thinking of start writing dialogues for movies. Hey producers & directors, any vacancies???? Please do let me know. I’m sure I can do it…