Back to the same stage where I was somewhere back in May last year when I wanted to hate everyone & wanted to leave everything & go away. Don’t know why my path of life keeps coming to this roundabout after every nick of time. I’m now feeling strange inside. Don’t want to talk about it coz I don’t even know what to talk about. Want to keep quiet & away from everyone till I overcome this moment coz during these moments, I always turn into an irritating & angry person. To be very honest, I hate my anger. It burns everything. Most of the time it burns relations & this is what I don’t want to loose. So I plan to stay quiet & not to get involved in conversations that can end into a breakup of any relation coz when I am angry, I don’t care about anything. I say hell to this world.
By the way, the world is already hell. Oh! Hell reminds me of the pain I still have. What a wonderful feeling of pain I have. In the beginning I really hated the pain in my knees but now I seem to enjoy it. When it hurts I start playing cricket or start walking around so I can tell the pain that it can go to hell and I will fight with it all alone. I hate doctors so no doctors for me. I fix myself or I wait for my fate but I will fight it as long as I can.
Eid is almost 9 days away but I still have not shopped & honestly I am not feeling. Don’t know why but I don’t want to go out there & shop. I just don’t know why but seems like I hate shopping or maybe myself. Hating myself is better coz when one hates himself, he don’t listen to his heart specially. Regarding me, me being so stupid & always listening to my heart always end up in pain.
Wow what a painful blog it is. See, I have a very strong bond with pain. It is always with me in almost every blog of mine :) What a lovely friend I have…
Monday, August 22, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
DAY 833
The pain in my knees is now going a higher level & somehow I am still surviving it. I don’t remember how it all started but the pain started somewhere back in July when my sister & my mom visited Pakistan. Since those days I am fighting with the pain but nowadays it’s a bit more. I always love avoiding doctors but once I did go to one & he prescribed some calcium tablets which I still have been eating but so far nothing. Planning to visit another doctor on coming Saturday & let’s see if this one works. One of my friends asked me to go to a good doctor. Now how do we poor patients know which one is a good doctor? The one who charges more? Does charging more is a proof of him being good? Well! If he is good than he should have been treating his profession as a source of helping people and not robbing them.
Today I was surprised & happy at the same time when I saw a notification on FB that my favorite singer Aamir Saleem posted something on my wall. Wow! This is one reason I love that guy. He never considers himself as a celebrity but always treats me as his own.
In my previous blogs I did mention that I will go for shopping. I did, but so far I have not bought anything for myself. No, I don’t shop like ladies do. It is just that for the last two weekends only my family has shopped & I have been there with them to support them “FINANCIALLY”. Let’s see if coming weekend I go for myself.
During the last shopping experience I have learnt something. Entering a shoe selling shop, the first thing the shopkeeper or the sales person notices is the shoes that you are wearing. From there they built any idea of how much the customer can afford & then they deal you in such a way. So Next time when you go to shop, don’t wear those nice shoes of yours. Try some old ones. :)
Just read my blog that I wrote exactly 2 years back from today on 17 August 2009. Wow! I was giving a lecture on friendship. I am good in giving advises although I don’t follow advises from others :-). That day, I sadly ended relations with my younger brother but thanks GOD he is back in my life & I still love him the same way. Hmmm… That day I thought I will never have him back but now I do have him with me. See… We never know what future plans for us, what has to come or how our thinking would be changed, challenged or result as being wrong.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
DAY 826
Last week I visited the house which was rented for my sis & mom during their stay here in Pakistan. Reaching there took me back into time & all the wonderful moments that I shared with them. When I was coming back on the bike, I was remembering my nieces, the way they used to fight to sit with me, the way they used to smile at me or hug me & their first ride with me on the bike. The eldest one said that I love the ride as it gives you a massage when air touches you. That was their first experience on the bike.
There is an issue going in the family & one of my sister, she is not even interested in resolving it. We all brothers & sisters are together but one. Why she is away, I think one & only reason, her selfish husband. Cutting her from us will not bring anything good for any of them but yes, they have their own life so I have no right to interfere but I really wish I could have her back too so I can have all of my family back once again.
The weather keeps changing here. A day it’s raining & the next day sunshine with extreme hot weather. I wonder why there is no effect of the rain fall. On Monday after a very long time, I was on the bike getting all wet in the rain while on the way to office. I had been skipping those moments even though I am a rain lover but that day I said to myself, “Let’s do it again”. While on the road you have to save yourself from the vehicles passing by coz they can even shower some muddy water on you which is extremely irritating. That is the only negative point in riding a bike on a rainy day.
In the new office we are back in our cricket craze. Even while fasting me & one of my colleagues plays cricket and enjoy every moment of it while the other staff consider us as crazy people. One of the office colleagues suggested to watch a movie instead of playing cricket as she thinks we loose all of our energy. Now how can one explain her the difference between passion and entertainment?
There is an issue going in the family & one of my sister, she is not even interested in resolving it. We all brothers & sisters are together but one. Why she is away, I think one & only reason, her selfish husband. Cutting her from us will not bring anything good for any of them but yes, they have their own life so I have no right to interfere but I really wish I could have her back too so I can have all of my family back once again.
The weather keeps changing here. A day it’s raining & the next day sunshine with extreme hot weather. I wonder why there is no effect of the rain fall. On Monday after a very long time, I was on the bike getting all wet in the rain while on the way to office. I had been skipping those moments even though I am a rain lover but that day I said to myself, “Let’s do it again”. While on the road you have to save yourself from the vehicles passing by coz they can even shower some muddy water on you which is extremely irritating. That is the only negative point in riding a bike on a rainy day.
In the new office we are back in our cricket craze. Even while fasting me & one of my colleagues plays cricket and enjoy every moment of it while the other staff consider us as crazy people. One of the office colleagues suggested to watch a movie instead of playing cricket as she thinks we loose all of our energy. Now how can one explain her the difference between passion and entertainment?
Friday, August 5, 2011
DAY 821
The IT incharge in my office who was sitting just behind my screen has now shifted to a different location & I am now freeeeeeeeee… Yes now I can use FB, chats by hiding the windows on my PC. See I told you where there is a will, there is a way & the way is now clear without even making any will.
The weather has changed thanks GOD. Due to rain showers, it has been cool out there since 2 days & hope to have the weather for long. Even our new office building has a cooler temperature inside comparing the previous building. This is helping us in our fast.
I really want to come back to my religious duties but I fail every time. I actually planned that I will perform all duties during this Ramadan & inshaAllah after it as well but sadly I am still failing but inshaAllah I will be back. God help me please.
Coming weekend will be busy as I have at last decided to do some shopping for myself for coming EID. Yes! That is unusual. I don’t know why but I kind of being skipping shopping for myself for the past so many EIDS. It is like when I enter a shop, I go blank. My idea of shopping is to go in one single shop & get all the stuff under one roof. Now you can understand that what are my feelings when I go along with my family & when ladies keeps entering every single shop & coming out empty handed. It hurts more when they spend the whole day & say “can’t find anything. Let’s come tomorrow.”
Nowadays feeling difficulty in writing blogs. I have to keep asking myself while writing that what should I write next. So any bright ideas Mr. Man In Brightness? What? No ideas? Seems like my ideas are working under WAPDA. A minute they are there & after a minute they are gone just like electricity.
And there starts a new fresh headache. See what happens when I start using my brains too much. It hurts :) :) :)
The weather has changed thanks GOD. Due to rain showers, it has been cool out there since 2 days & hope to have the weather for long. Even our new office building has a cooler temperature inside comparing the previous building. This is helping us in our fast.
I really want to come back to my religious duties but I fail every time. I actually planned that I will perform all duties during this Ramadan & inshaAllah after it as well but sadly I am still failing but inshaAllah I will be back. God help me please.
Coming weekend will be busy as I have at last decided to do some shopping for myself for coming EID. Yes! That is unusual. I don’t know why but I kind of being skipping shopping for myself for the past so many EIDS. It is like when I enter a shop, I go blank. My idea of shopping is to go in one single shop & get all the stuff under one roof. Now you can understand that what are my feelings when I go along with my family & when ladies keeps entering every single shop & coming out empty handed. It hurts more when they spend the whole day & say “can’t find anything. Let’s come tomorrow.”
Nowadays feeling difficulty in writing blogs. I have to keep asking myself while writing that what should I write next. So any bright ideas Mr. Man In Brightness? What? No ideas? Seems like my ideas are working under WAPDA. A minute they are there & after a minute they are gone just like electricity.
And there starts a new fresh headache. See what happens when I start using my brains too much. It hurts :) :) :)
Monday, August 1, 2011
DAY 817
Me back on my blog after long time and I hope to stay. Had some busy days & now I am thinking what to write. This happens when you stop writing or give pauses to your talent. It gets rusted.
We have now shifted office to a new location & the place is cool. Although will have a bit of problems as the local transport is an issue. Also my screen is visible to the IT & admin so it will be hard for me to use FB in the office but let’s see if I can find a way coz where there is a will, there is a way & if you can’t find a way, at least you should try finding a will and to find a will, someone has to die :).
Friday I was working from home as the office was in the process of shifting. Every time when I am asked to work from home, somehow WAPDA comes to know & they start playing games. Only that day, light goes away more often. Even my family said that when ever I plan to work from home, either no light or no internet. Now I just need to find the who is leaks the news that I am planning to work from home.
Tomorrow starts Ramadan & I will be fasting. The weather is too hot & days are long. So I pray Allah to make the weather cool and we can easily survive the 16 hours long fast.
One of our office colleague gave us an ice cream treat & I just finished my Cornetto :)
“News of the World” the paper which made allegations of spot-fixing, corruption and bribery against the then Pakistan captain Salman Butt, Mohammad Asif and Mohammad Amir, is now itself closed & ended. There is a famous saying that if you dig a hole for someone, sooner or later you fall in it. I wonder if that saying works here too.
We have now shifted office to a new location & the place is cool. Although will have a bit of problems as the local transport is an issue. Also my screen is visible to the IT & admin so it will be hard for me to use FB in the office but let’s see if I can find a way coz where there is a will, there is a way & if you can’t find a way, at least you should try finding a will and to find a will, someone has to die :).
Friday I was working from home as the office was in the process of shifting. Every time when I am asked to work from home, somehow WAPDA comes to know & they start playing games. Only that day, light goes away more often. Even my family said that when ever I plan to work from home, either no light or no internet. Now I just need to find the who is leaks the news that I am planning to work from home.
Tomorrow starts Ramadan & I will be fasting. The weather is too hot & days are long. So I pray Allah to make the weather cool and we can easily survive the 16 hours long fast.
One of our office colleague gave us an ice cream treat & I just finished my Cornetto :)
“News of the World” the paper which made allegations of spot-fixing, corruption and bribery against the then Pakistan captain Salman Butt, Mohammad Asif and Mohammad Amir, is now itself closed & ended. There is a famous saying that if you dig a hole for someone, sooner or later you fall in it. I wonder if that saying works here too.
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