DAY 431

I don’t know but suddenly I can’t seem to find any single word. It is like I am blank. I can't chat, I can't post a comment on FB. I can't express myself like I have nothing inside me anymore. People might be thinking I am ignoring them but I don't know what should I do. I wish I was never born.

I am lost with no words to share & no feelings to express. I have just closed myself in a box & not sharing any part of it with anyone anymore. It is like I am standing in a middle of a desert & the wind erased all the footsteps on the sand so I can’t go back & I don’t know where to go from here. I have so much pain inside me that sometimes I feel I can’t bear it anymore. I wonder what is the relation between me & pain coz after every few steps in life I always find pain beside me like it’s my own shadow that keeps walking with me but bloody hell it even walks with me in the dark when the shadow is supposed to be gone.

For the past 3 days, life inside me is like hell. I feel myself burning inside me. My heart has no blood but only pressure of pain & this pain is running down in every vein of my body. I wish it could stop but then why should it stop coz it is part of me. So pain & me are best buddies.

I really want to go back in dark where no one can ever find me again & where no one has access to me. Someone made me realize that I am living in a dream which has no portion of reality & I have created walls around it to save but how foolish I am. How can I forget that dreams can’t be saved by cemented walls around it? A dream will shatter once you open your eyes. I wish I could close my eyes for ever coz I want to live in this dream for the rest of my life. Following is a song I wrote very long time back but as history keeps repeating itself so there I am again on the same spot.


JEE MERA CHATA HAI KEH
BAND KAR LOON YEH ANAKHAIN
HAMEHSA HAMESHA KAY LIEY
JIS TASVEER MAIN TERA AKS NA HO
KESAY DEKHON USAY MAIN IN ANKHON SAY

KABHI MERI GALI SAY TUM GUZAR KAY DEKHO
KAB SAY MAIN KHARA HOON TERAY LIEY
JEE MERA CHATA HAI KEH
BAND KAR LOON YEH ANAKHAIN
HAMEHSA HAMESHA KAY LIEY

DEWANA BANA KAR TUM CHOR GAIEY
JEWAN KI RAHOON MAIN TANHA MUJHAY
JEE MERA CHATA HAI KEH
BAND KAR LOON YEH ANAKHAIN
HAMEHSA HAMESHA KAY LIEY


Man In Brightness is totally LOST...