Last night was very cruel to me. I was in my bed trying to sleep but the thoughts were so strong that they did not allow me to sleep. Every minute I tried to close my eyes, I only felt tears in them & I kept changing the sides in the bed & kept trying to remove the thoughts from my mind but I kept failing. The pain kept increasing and at one stage I felt my heartbeat & my breath much faster than the normal speed. I felt pain all over me & my heart was going out of control like it wanted to come out of my body. This condition made it hard for me to even breathe so I somehow managed myself out of the bed & took my weak body on the roof top. A few minutes I kept sitting there staring the walls around me but then I stood there looking at the sky. What I saw was lighting. I kept looking at the sky & kept asking myself that why all this is happening. I had no power in me but I kept standing and kept staring the sky with tears in my eyes. These are the moments when you want to die. Who should we ask for help?
The weather is absolutely hot but I don’t feel it. Why? Because what I am going through is somehow more painful than this hot weather. People think I’m sweating but that is not true. Every part of my body is crying & that sweat like liquid is nothing but tears falling from my body. My body is asking me to do something which unfortunately I just can’t because I am left helpless.
I am turning into an irritated person. I am now “I don’t care” type of guy. I am now an angry human with rude answers & no laughs or smiles on any type of jokes. Even if I see people laughing or smiling, I don’t respond to them. Yes! I am a dead man walking.
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