It’s been almost 4 days & I just can’t seem to find a way to reduce my inner pain. Saturday evening I even went out with my friends on a hiking trip so I can just divert my thoughts but I failed. Even while climbing those rocks I wanted to fall. I was so damn tired & at some stage it was even getting difficult for me to continue climbing but I kept going coz somewhere back in my head I really wanted to fall. There was a time when I felt dizzy & could not even see a thing but no, I did not stop. Why? I have no idea but we were almost at the top when we suddenly saw an animal & we decided to turn back coz we were not sure weather it was a dangerous one or not. It was almost dark out there & somehow I wanted to go near to that beast & wanted to face it but I just can’t risk others life for my stupid aims. One thing I learnt from it though, that if you don’t give up & keep walking, you can achieve your target. Well! Almost achieve it but the aim that I am running behind is somehow out of my control & out of my hands.
Whenever we can’t get anything in life, people tell us that there must be a valid reason behind it but my faith is that GOD can change anything at anytime & I will keep asking Him for what I want till my last breath. If everything has to be done the way it is written then why pray & ask for anything? My faith is that Prayers can change what has been written for us & I will keep asking Him. He loves us more than the love of 90 mothers so I will keep asking Him like a stubborn child & someday He will listen.
Saturday I even bought 10 movies to watch & damn I did not even watch a single one. When ever I started to watch any of those movies, after a few minutes I found myself totally blank. I tried so hard but I just could not so the next day I returned all the movies & yes I even paid the rent for it.
Sometimes it is difficult to survive some phases of life that are full of pain. The weekend was totally painful. I could not sleep and I could not find a way to divert my thoughts. This phase is turning me into an angry person. I am totally avoiding conversations with almost everyone. You must have read about a plant called “Touch me not”. I am a human now “Talk to me not” coz I really just want to be quiet & keep it all in my heart. I will not share any of it but will write it all here & still no one will understand because I just don’t want anyone to understand me anymore.
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