Pain, what is pain? How do we define pain? Is it some type of hidden talent in me? Coz every time I find it within me. I just can’t seem to find an escape path or if I could run away from it. How do you run away from yourself? Pain is in me & I just can run away this time.
In my teenage I wanted to go to some place where no one would know who am I, where I came from so I could start all over again. It was a very strange type of wish but that wish came true. Now I wish for it again. Oh! GOD I just can’t run from myself again & again. Guess I have to live with it now for the rest of my life.
Last night I got a news & it was like a doctor told me that I have not much time to live. So if after a few weeks you still see me walking or talking, do remember it’s not me but only a dead man walking.
Yesterday evening I was helping a friend to reduce the pain and today I am myself in the same situation and I have no place to go or a way to reduce it but only this blog is my friend now. I have jailed myself inside my body & have decided not to share any feelings with anyone. Maybe people will think I’m mad or crazy. Well! Yes I am. I am totally crazy & extremely mad.
I have always used this media to express my own feelings & I think I write it all for myself. It is just like keeping a diary of my stupid life. I don’t know who will ever read all this bullshit once I am gone but I still write it coz after publishing my blog, I feel that I have said everything to millions of people out there even if no one is reading. This is my way to let it out of my chest.
Few weeks back I was having this problem of going blank while chatting or on SMS but now a new problem. I don’t feel like talking to anyone. I just want to be quiet. I don’t want to talk. I just don’t want to listen. I just don’t want anything. I don’t even know what the hell I want. I feel totally helpless coz I want to do something but I really can’t coz I am in a situation where only GOD can help...
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