After months of time, today I did get a chance to speak to my favorite singer “Aamir Saleem”. I have met him, spoke to him at a number of times but every time after ending the conversation, I feel so excited and so lucky like it was the first time. The most beautiful thing about him is that every time we had a conversation, we spoke like brothers. I really do consider him my elder brother & even he treats me like his own which is really an honor for me.
For the past few days my mobile died on me. So for the past few days I am maybe one of those 15% of people in the country who are living without a mobile phone. Wow! I already feel so lucky :). To be honest now if I don’t have a mobile in my pocket, it feels so strange like this device is now considered to be as important as a wallet in your pocket. That is why when you get robbed, they even take your mobile set too.
Damn! Few minutes back I was so excited & now I feel so sad. Don’t really know why but just I read some lines written by a friend & now I feel sad. I actually don’t agree with the line & I was about to comment on it but then I did not. I wrote it & then I just did not post it. Sometimes I feel words are just words & nothing more. They have nothing in them until they are not pronounced with feelings. I do keep reading different quotations & statuses by my friends on Facebook regarding love, hate or pain but nowadays I somehow hate it all. I even hate poetry nowadays as if it means nothing to me even though I am a poet myself & I do keep writing poetries myself & almost every status of mine on FB is poetry. Nowadays I am not posting any status as if I have nothing to say or I don’t want anything to share. This is one more reason that since this year has started, I have just posted 3 blogs before this one.
Sometimes I really feel I could disappear as 7 years back I did when suddenly back in October 2004 I just went missing & no one was aware of my location. I disconnected all my previous contacts including my family. Now I am in touch with my family but I am still not in touch with lots & lots of people I previously know including one of my 12 year long relation best friend. Still the ones I am in touch, most of them are still unaware of my location. Sometimes I really feel doing that again but this time I have promised a few loved ones that I will be always with them. So I will keep my promise alive till my last breath & I hope they will be with me too till my end.
A few weeks back I was thinking what will happen if one day I am announced as dead. Will people miss me & if they will, for how long? Days, weeks, months or maybe a few years. I think then they will get busy in their lives & maybe my face, my words, my blogs or even my voice will start fading in their memories. Honestly, I don’t even have enough people actually around me who I can call friends in real life (Not talking about online) & if I die, my dead body might be short of shoulders to carry me. I do remember when I was carrying my father’s body on my shoulders from the ambulance towards the Holy Masjid in Makkah (Saudi Arabia) & the distance was a bit long, me & my friends including my younger brother started feeling so tired. We had to carry him back to the graveyard after performing prayers as done in my religion, I was thinking how would we do it but then it was a surprise to me that after the Asar’s prayer, there were so many shoulders to carry him that even me being his own son was not getting a chance & a young boy asked me to leave it & I told him, “No way, he is my father”. My father was one lucky guy but if I look at myself, I really have doubts that I will get enough shoulders. May God help me the same way.
Damn! I should have not written all this. This is one painful blog. Maybe that is one reason I have been skipping blogs & keeping myself hidden in me...
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