DAY 406

If I analyze myself, I had been a very bad son, a very bad brother & even according to some a very bad friend. So the net result is I’m extremely bad in all sorts of relations. Yes! Everyone has complains & yes mostly it was my fault. I think I am absolutely bad with relations. I think I should be banned for all sorts of relations. I really don’t know why but I actually think that now people should avoid relations with me. One of my family members even asked me to go to hell today. Honestly I am walking on that path that leads to hell. I know that the person never meant it & was all said in anger but it actually hurts. We actually say a lot of things in anger that can hurt others. Even I do that so it should not hurt. Maybe it only hurt coz it was entirely my fault. I would like to apologize for it. Hope you forgive me.

I really need a long sleep now. I just can’t be doing this to myself. I should be selfish in this matter at least. How could I do this to me? I should take care of myself as I promised but not doing it intentionally. Damn! I can’t even keep promises. I actually deserve all this. In fact I deserve more than this. I need a proper punishment. Maybe that is why life itself is slowly turning into a punishment now. So am I sentenced for a lifetime punishment? I guess I am.

Tomorrow 3 weeks will be gone from a period of 3 months & it still seems a very long path to walk on. I don’t even know that after the period of 3 months would everything would be back to normal or would it be just a few days of happiness & then back in pain. I really don’t know.

When I entered the world of internet, I created an online name for me & it was “Man In Darkness”. After 5-6 years later, I changed it to “Man In Brightness” but brightness was never around me. I still live in the dark. I think I should go back & change it to “Man In Darkness”. Even the rest of the country, is in darkness thanks to WAPDA & bloody government officials.