DAY 397

Today in the morning at around 04:30am while I was sleeping, I started hearing meow meow sounds in my ear. No I don’t have an alarm clock that makes that sound. It was my cute cat. She was hungry so she came to me & sat beside my ear & kept saying meow meow. Once I changed my direction, she came on the other side & did the same. Well! She actually made me wake-up, on my feet & yes I went to the kitchen so she can eat. I don’t like when people wake me up early that morning but I still love her coz she is so so so cute mashaAllah. I wonder how she knew that ear is the point in the body from where I can hear her meow meow. Well! Intelligent little creature I would say.

The 3 baby cats are now mashaAllah a bit grown-up & so cute. I love watching them playing around. This is one thing that makes me forget that I have pain in me coz while watching them, my attention does get diverted for sometime but when it comes back on the old track, I start missing someone.

Sometimes I try to hate some specific people & in my mind I don’t want them to be around but when they suddenly appear in front of me and start talking, I just don’t show them my anger in public which I should coz they had been insulting me in front of others. I wonder why I don’t do that. I really don’t know.

It is a good thing that pain remains in me as a part of me. At least because of this, I can feel the pain of others. I can understand what others are going through when somehow they find themselves in the same situation where once I was. So pain should remain in us otherwise we would never know other’s feeling & we might keep hurting others. By the way, I don’t know why but I do keep hurting people even though when I don’t want to.

Yesterday someone told me that my blogs is too depressing. Well! Yes they are. I will try to make them better but really don’t know why the hell they got so depressing. Maybe because I’m depressed so my words are depressed. Ah! I will try to change it.

I used to write funny articles that always made people laugh or smile & still there are 50+ articles on my website that even now when I read, I ask myself “Have I wrote all this?” Even at some stage I have a smile on my own face. I really want to write like that all over again. I wonder in what mood I always used to be in that age. What was the factor behind it that always converted my words & sentences into a smile or a laugh? I really want to know.

Now looking back in time & reading all what I used to write, I feel that I’m really a changed person. Every human has two parts in them, a good one & a bad one. Most of the people let there bad part out & kill their good part. I don’t do that. I let both out when required. Yes sometimes I’m bad & sometimes I’m worse :)… Ok sometimes I am good too but don’t trust every word I write coz no bad person would say I’m bad.