The fear of Sunday that kept me in pain for the past few days is now gone. No I did not win but yes, I lost. I do want to thank a few friends for their support & prayers but when GOD has planned something else, it happens. People want me to be perfect. I’m just one normal human being in this world & I can’t be perfect. Yes, I have lots of problems in me but if that is an excuse for not accepting me then I humbly accept all the decisions against me. Sometimes people think I’m rude. The way life has played games with me, what do you expect? Yes! Life has changed me a lot but it was not me like this but situations that made me like this.
The pain in my neck at this moment was really so great when I woke up this morning but now the pain in my heart is even more than anything. The pain of rejection, the pain of not being accepted the way I am, the pain of dreams getting shattered, the pain of loosing relations & the pain of being lost in the world once again.
5 years back I started a strange journey of my life & I left everything behind for some reason & today I feel standing at that same point. That day I walked with trust in GOD. Today I can’t even walk coz I don’t really know why & where to walk. I wish this all to end. There is a life in the next world. I want to start that now. I want to visit the next world. Even there will be only & only pain for me. Me & my burning flesh in fire. Don’t even know weather I want to visit that world or not but everyone has to go. Everyone will be punished so will be I. I’m not even prepared for it.
I just can’t go this way, can I? No I will have to live. It’s not coz I’m very strong. I’m really not, I’m only in pain but I have to do it for the people that depend on me. I just can’t even write this anymore. The pain in the heart & the pain in the neck are freezing the words in my brain & I’m totally lost. I see only one power that might help me & if HE won’t than this might be my end…
CHAHAT MERI SHAYED KAM RAHI
JO NA MUJHAY AAJ TAK WOH MIL SAKI
DHUNDTA MAIN RAHA US KO HAR GHARI
JAB MILI TU BAN GAI AJNABI
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