Today after so many years I am missing my dad so badly. Few minutes back I was starring at his picture. Trying to search him or may be trying to talk to him. I need him back in life. I want him so much today. Please dad, please come back. I know he can’t. Once a person leaves there is no way to come back in this world. I just wish he would have been here so I can hug him, ask him to guide me, show me the way,. I am tired of being a strong person. I am not. I just pretend to be one but it’s all a lie.
I am even unable to contact my mom. No reply from her end. SMS sent twice but nothing. I’m totally lost. No ones fault but my own. I want a way out of this or soon I will meet my dad in the next world. Why I cannot share my feelings? Why I cannot explain what is going on in me? Something is totally wrong & I can’t seem to find the exact words to express it.
Today I have even decided that I will not meet any new faces in life for sometimes. I don’t want any new relations, no new friends. I have closed the doors of my heart. The ones that are already in will stay in & the ones that are out cannot get in. Why have I taken this decision? I just don’t know but I just don’t want anyone in my life anymore. The fear of loosing people might be one of the reasons but I am not sure.
Last night was so bad. My heart was so restless. I was not able to sleep till 3:00 am I guess. Tried but kept on failing. Oh good! Just got the SMS from mom saying she is fine. I sent SMS to all people that are close to my heart & asked them if they all are fine as if I had this strange feeling I’m about to leave this world but unfortunately I did not. It’s good to know that all of them are fine. May all of them stay happy & healthy. Few days back I wrote in one of my blog that I will be passing time with my friends but I just can’t coz somehow its not part of my nature. So friends I do apologize for writing that. I will be your friend & will keep on performing my part in your life till you allow me too.
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