DAY 165

I was wrong all the time. There is no such thing as a lucky charm or may be I have lost it. So I take my words back. Last three days changed me. Well not completely but yes some how they did. In my 31 years of life, I never came across so many tragic episodes that I saw in only 2 days. It was like every minute the story of my life was changing. Like twist in the story every minute. I love stories with a twist but so many twists actually twisted my brains & I found myself lost. So I actually paused all the contacts on Saturday & went into dark for a day just to rebuild myself & here I am but I still don’t find myself with happiness. I still see all going wrong & feel hopeless standing in the way of life.

Last night I actually took a very long walk on a very dark road. I was unable to see anything but I kept walking. So many cars & bikes passed by but I continued my journey of dark as I was waiting for the light. It came but when I felt extremely tired & when I started feeling that now I might fall. Why did I do that? I have no idea but so many things in my mind & I had no answers so I thought I need time with me but I still was not able to find any answers & the road ended. One thing I did find that after dark, you always find light so you just have to keep on walking.

Today I’m not myself. Something is killing me inside & I don’t know what is it. I am trying to overcome this but I’m failing. I really want to know what is bothering me but I can’t find it. Maybe not one thing but more. WHAT??? I just can’t seem to understand. The path of life I’m walking on is the one I have chosen myself & I knew the results but now I want to change the results & I just can’t & I feel so hopeless. Maybe this is killing me that why I have nothing in my hand. Could I rub all these lines & draw some new on my hand? Could I change all what I’m going through? Could I at least go back all the way & choose another path or please could I forget all this & disappear? COULD I PLEASE??? I know I can’t coz there is no u turn in life. Ok but could I please get a memory loss? Please please please… Come on at least I can have that. Oh GOD! Please at least this… Guess a big No.

So, I would have to continue walking & someday I might fall on the way of life. I can actually feel pain in the heart. What does that mean? Is that pain asking me to stop or is that a sign that soon I will stop? Guess I have to wait & see…