DAY 252

I really don’t know what’s wrong with my brain. Every time I try to advise my friends, they take it all negative leaving the actual point behind. Both of them at different stages have done this. Maybe my style of making them understand is wrong or maybe they always think I’m wrong & it all turns into a dilemma.

Oh GOD! Now they will think I’m blaming them again. In relations we do have complaints at some stage of life with our partners but why my complaint is considered as blame. I don’t blame, it’s just a complaint. There is a huge difference between the two. I just say what I feel & if I’m wrong then point it out at that same minute saying this is not the thing but I always get an unusual response like I blamed them. Why would I do that? Can’t I even complain now? Should I start keeping all the things in my heart & stop sharing what I felt or feel? If this is the way others won’t get hurt so yes I can do that but then one day I might blast with anger & might throw out all the words on others just like a lava. At least like this I don’t keep things in my heart & release them at the same moment. Yes! My straight forward nature is hurting people & they do feel that I being totally rude. I have to stop this. I actually have to stop this straight forward nature & sharing all feelings with other.

For the past 5 years I did not share anything with anyone & it turned me into an arrogant person (According to others). It was not me being arrogant but my lack of trusting people. I still don’t trust anyone in only few meetings. I really take time to trust someone & until I understand other’s nature I don’t share my secrets or feelings with them but when I start sharing, either people don’t even bother to listen or they listen while ignoring it. In other words they don’t even bother to understand me but what they love is just to share their talks & their feelings coz I don’t ignore them & I keep listening to them & I even remember it & try to understand them. Ok! Now I’m again blaming. Or am I complaining?

3 minutes it took me to write following lines & I turned it into a song “SHIKWA”:

MAIN NAY SHIKWA KIA US SAY
WOH SAMJHI ILZAAM HAI
MAIN NAY PYAR KIA US SAY
US NAY KAHA NADAAN HAI

KHWABOON KI IS DUNIYA MAIN
JEETA RAHA HOON KAB SAY MAIN
KIA JANA MAIN NAY PEHLAY
PYAR KA YEH ANJAAM HAI
MAIN NAY PYAR KIA US SAY
US NAY KAHA NADAAN HAI

APNA SAMJHA TU USAY BOL DIA
APNAYPAN KO NAFRAT SAMJHA
DIL KAY RISHTOON MAIN BHALA
NAFRAT KA KIA KAAM HAI
MAIN NAY PYAR KIA US SAY
US NAY KAHA NADAAN HAI

MAIN NAY SHIKWA KIA US SAY
WOH SAMJHI ILZAAM HAI
MAIN NAY PYAR KIA US SAY
US NAY KAHA NADAAN HAI